R.R.

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Itsjustme

Life & Events > Confused
 

Confused

As most of you know i chat now and then. I cooperate in a chatroom and I use Yahoo messenger now and then.
Tonight one of my earliest e-friends, lets call him D, was online and i just said "hi how are you" cause thats the way you usually start a chat. Well his answer made me feel sad.
For 4 and a half he has been in a relationship with a guy who is a bit younger (call him M)and still was studying. They both live in Serbia and it isnt easy for gay guys to have gay relationships.
The family of his bf doesnt know he is gay and the same is for my friend to whom I was chatting with tonight. Just a few friends of them know about their sexual orientation.
M studied Italian and for his study he left quite some time to Italy. My friend D obvoiously had a very difficult time then not being with his lover.
M came home again some months ago but is very insure about his life and his relationship it seems now.
A few days ago he made the decision to leave my dear friend D. They split up for a month now so he can make his mind up about what to do. Here just some phrases of my chat (I hope he dont mind). My friend really feels a bit desperate and I wish I woud be able to help a bit.

" he talk about me.....but need time to realise what he wants.....he has very rough time, no real job, no understanding in family, all shits....must go to army....and suddenly he starts to wonder about all things in his life...including me"

These sentences almost made me cry cause i care about him so much. he was my first e-friend ever and that gives a special feeling, so I really want to help him. But what can i do. He only can wait till his bf made a decision about their relationship. He feels so desperate right now.
I want to support him so much. Anyone have any advice for me ( or him)?
Not able to talk with others ( just a few friends who know about their relationship) doesnt make it easy for him. I hope I can support him.

What can I do, any suggestions?

posted on June 27, 2008 11:20 AM ()

Comments:

The only thing a friend can do in this situation is just be a friend to him. Keep in touch, be supportive, and don't try to solve his life. He will be stronger for finding his way through it. If his country says he must go to the army, then go he must. Perhaps being in the company of strong men will strengthen his self-image, even if it is by showing him who he Doesn't want to be. Be his friend.
comment by thestephymore on July 8, 2008 1:35 AM ()
Robin, you ask for advice as for what you should do, but you are already doing it. Stay connected for he needs a friend right now...and do more listening than talking, there will be a lot of emotions and thoughts that will need to be poured out. Keep re-assuring him that it's ok to feel scared and sad, that worry is normal but will not make things go any easier or faster, and that he will be ok no matter what happens. Remind him, too, that you will be there as a friend, too, right through all of it and beyond. Patience, good listening skills, honesty (carefully worded), and your time are the best things you can give and do.
comment by donnamarie on July 6, 2008 9:55 PM ()
Pls read his blog Peter (Shirkan is my friend D)and feel free to comment
comment by itsjustme on June 28, 2008 11:03 AM ()
yes..... AJ and James are both right. We each have to work out our own salvation. My guess is M is quite a bit younger than D and that is probably causing complications too. M probably enjoyed a few adventures with young guys in Italy and now needs to think carefully. And going into the army is realy traumatic for a gay! He'll be petrified that D will somehow blow his cover while he's in there. BTW your english is bloody good!
comment by clovis on June 27, 2008 6:42 PM ()
I have to agree with James. It is great that you want to do everything you can to help him. At the same time, you don't have all the facts. Instead, you just have his perspective, which is clouded by his feeling of pain and loss. It would be best to be there to support him and listen.
AJ
comment by lunarhunk on June 27, 2008 1:44 PM ()
About the only thing you can do is be supportive of him. It is hard to give relationship advise, if things go wrong, your advise can turn into the blame. you know what I mean..
comment by ekyprogressive on June 27, 2008 11:45 AM ()

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