Goodd Fry-day Greasers:


It occurs to me that some on this new site may be unfamiliar with certain people and places I might mention from time to time in my blog. All of you from Blogsterville already know all this so bear with me, please. Ya can't tell the players without a program. So here, as a public service:

Cast of Characters

Honey J. Bugg: That's me, yer faithful corespondent (no, grumpy, not co-respondent). I was born Honey Jasper Mary Margaret Inconsolata Whoosits. Named after every saint, female relative and pet Mama and Daddy ever had. Currently I am running for Grand Imperial Poobah of Amurica. That's kinda like the president but with more perks. Hill, Barry and John are hearing footsteps but are too scared to admit it.


Mr. Bugg: My late husband Vernon R. Bugg. He was a decent guy who had his foilables like everyone else. I loved him madly....still do. He went too soon when his heart attacked him and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him.


Mr. Bill: A man I saw something of when I moved to the Flower City by the Lake, New York (no, not Buffalo, the other one). After Mr. Bugg passed I moved to New York to start over. I thought I could never get over the loss of Mr. Bugg until, there was Mr. Bill. I fell like a thousand of bricks. We saw each other for about a year and it made me want to live life again. I was in love for the second time in my life. Unfortunately, Mr. Bill was not. He bailed and to this day, some 7 years later, I can't seem to get over it. Naturally, he said "We'll always be friends, no matter what". I guess his computer, telephone, and mail service are all malfuctioning since I have not heard boo from him for nearly a year now. To my credit,though, I did NOT buy the ocean front property in Colorado he was selling. Even though I can't seem to move on, he has. He now lives with this skank who is using him as a meal ticket. He is one of the smartest people I ever knew but he can't see this. But I'm not bitter or anything.


Mama: My mother, Loretta Jane Whoosits (nee O'Blather). She is a trip. Having given birth to several children, she acts like she had only one...my kid brother Bubba. Its "Bubba made $70,000 last year", "Bubba has a nice house", "Bubba has sweet children", "Bubba pisses Dom Perinion and shits gold bricks". In addition she thinks I'm the world's biggest failure, waste of space, slacker, bum, and fool. I'm the biggest embarrasment in her life and her worst fear is that someone will find out she and I are actually related. Now, she's decent to her other kids,other than holding Bubba up on a pedestil, but she hates my Twinkie eating guts. Unless of course she wants me to do something for her. There is some family "dirty laundry" behind this but I'll save that for another time.



Crazy Sis: My sister. She is two years my junior and likewise hates my guts. She is Mama magnified. Crazy Sis and I never got along as children and that tradition continues. When I moved back from New York I really tried to get along with her but she was and is not having it. She shares Mama's low opinion of me down to the last nuance, and never hestitates to let me know it. I firmly believe that if she could afford it and knew no one would find out, she'd hire a hit man and have me killed. She's a bossy, small minded, mentally unbalanced control freak who thinks everyone around her is a drooling moron who could not wipe their own butts if she weren't there to supervise.


Bubba Whoosits, Sr.: My kid brother. Four years my junior, Bubba and his wife, Suffering, have three children, Bubba,Jr. Lulubelle and Jethrene. They're all grown up now and have kids of their own. He lives the the town of Cow Snot Wyoming where he peddles junk food. Bubba is a serious evangelical Christian who is forever trying to convert me. Now like me, Bubba was brought up a Catholic but when he married Suffering, a Baptist, he converted and went off the deep end. It goes without saying that, upon hearing this, Mama went to bed for two weeks and has yet to forgive Suffering, even though its been 30 plus years.



Jethrene Whoosits-Shitstick: My niece. Jethrene was the family baby until she had one of her own. She married young (17)and she swears she was not pregnant at the time. "We got married for the RIGHT reasons," she once told me haughtily when I asked about it. Well, she may not have been preggers when she married but she sure got that way about two seconds afterward. This bundle of joy became her daughter, Daisy May, now three. Eleven months later, she had another baby, her son Jethro, now two. These sweet, smart, cute, children are the light of my life and have brought a good deal of joy to my declining years.


Shitstick: Jethrene's ne'er do well husband, currently serving time in the Cow Snot Wyoming lock up. The charge against him was bogus, but he's still got some issues. He's due to be released in April and Jethrene can hardly wait. She sees a lot of good in him and, as the old country song goes, she's in love with the boy. I don't suppose he's a bad sort but he comes from a bad family and has a lot to overcome. He does, however, drag a semi truck load of bullshit behind him. And take that from me, someone who is in the Bullshitter Hall of Fame.




Dr. Whalebutt: Jawahawrul S. Whalebutt, MD my primary care physician. He looks like golfer Vejay Singh's little brother only a foot shorter and about 50 pounds heavier. He sounds like Apu, the grocer on the Simpsons and thinks I'm an old, fat, drunk. He is constantly reeming me about weight gain even though a few Slim Fasts wouldn't hurt him any. I probably smokes too, then rags his patients about quitting. He's not really bad, as doctor's go. At least he'll come into the exam room and actually sit down and talk to you, listen and answer your questions. Not like some who just breeze in and out without so much as a "kiss my stethescope". And his office staff is nice.



Cletus and Maybelleen Meddlemyer: My landlords. Nice people really, and very conciencious about keeping their property up and in decent repair. But they have to be the biggest, noseyest, busybodies and gossip mongers on the planet. I keep expecting Maybelleen to waltz in here one day and ask,"So how did that last bowel movement come out, Bugg?"



Devil's Asshole, West by God Virginia: My hometown. I was born here, I live here now and it looks like I'm gonna die here. How depressing. I hate this friggin' place. It hates me. It is the most backward, provincial, redneck, hick filled, idiot infested municipality this side of Deliverence. I would have stayed in the Flower City by the Lake but for the brutal winters and the fact that what I make on disability, due to wicked arthritis and a bad ticker, would never have permitted me to live with any sort of decency. It is cheap to live here, so here I be.


So there is a little thumbnail sketch of my world and some of the denizens therein. Don't you wish you were me?



reguards
yer that's my world and welcome to it pal
bugg