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Random Thoughts and Revelations
Random Thoughts and Revelations
Here are a bunch of random thoughts that I had recently one afternoon. As you can see, I don’t clutter my mind with profundities!
Why is it that, if my hands need to be wiped, whether it is because of contamination from axle grease, grape jelly or just plain old H2O, I can use paper towels, cloth towels, or forced hot air to dry them off, but the task does not feel complete until I wipe them on my pants?
What is sugar alcohol?
What is T. Boone Pickens’ first name?
Why is it that, with every other species on the planet other than humans, it is the male that has the colorful plumage, or ornate fur patterns, and it is the female that is bedecked in muted colors or mundane "accessories"?
If there is a God and he loves us, why are there prickers, poison ivy and mosquitoes?
When we got the phone call that Merton died on Friday, Mary Ellen said tearfully said to me, "I believe in God. I really do. But His idea that everything that lives has to die…well…I think it’s a really SHITTY plan! When I see Him face to face, I’m going to tell Him so!" (Don’t you just love her? I do!)
Why do Sundays always seem just a bit more glum and sedate than Saturdays?
Does size matter or not?
Do Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter really believe all that hate-drivel that shovel out to the masses? REALLY?
My brothers and I loved The Three Stooges as kids, and we NEVER poked out anybody’s eye, hit somebody in the forehead with a hammer or parted somebody’s hair with saw.
Did people of the 1930’s through the 1950’s really think that that was good acting on the screen? ("Now, I’m gonna plug ya. See?" or "That’s crazy enough that it just…might…work!")
Can anybody wear those 3-D movie glasses without getting sick to their stomachs?
Who really likes those marshmallow Circus Peanuts?
Why is the word "Freaking" acceptable and the word "Fucking" is not? I mean seriously, when somebody says, "I HATE that freaking thing!" Don’t you really hear "fucking thing"? (Like George Carlin once said, "You can’t fool me, man! "Shoot" is "Shit" with two "O"s.")
Did you the word "fuck" is an anachronism? A few centuries back in England, when somebody was convicted of adultery or of having sex outside of marriage, their punishment was labeled "F.U.C.K." (For Unauthorized Carnal Knowledge.)
Why do we get fined for endangering the environment when we pour a gallon of used motor oil on the weeds in our yard, but the town comes through every spring and slathers the roads with the stuff?
Do they sell Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies any more? (They used to be my all-time favorite candies as a kid!)
Have you noticed that Kellogg’s, Post and General Mills have taken the word "Sugar" out of the names of their breakfast cereals? Sugar Frosted Flakes are now Frosted Flakes. Sugar Pops are now Corn Pops. Sugar Smacks are now Honey Smacks. (For some reason, soccer moms feel better feeding their obese, exercise-phobic kids something that is sweetened with honey rather than something that sweetened with processed sugar. Guess they don’t know that carbohydrates are carbohydrates are carbohydrates, no matter where they come from!))
Do you know who the most successful TV advertising pitchman off all time is? Tony the Tiger. I think that’s G-R-R-R-E-A-T!
Why do "Flammable" and "Inflammable" mean the exact same damned thing?
There is no such word as "snuck" The proper past tense of "sneak" is "sneaked".
There is no such word as "irregardless." The word is "regardless."
The 1950’s hit song "Da Do Ron Ron" uses only four notes for the entire melody. (I discovered this when I was playing the song on my hammer dulcimer this weekend.)
Ex-Beatle Sir Paul McCartney cannot read a note of music.
The melody to Ex-Beatle George Harrison’s song "My Sweet Lord" is almost identical to the melody of the 1950’s hit "He’s So Fine." They are so close, in fact, that the judge in the copyright infringement case ordered Harrison to pay royalties and damages.
Why do we talk baby-talk to talk to our dogs when they can perfectly understand about 65 word commands when we speak normally to them?
Do you think our dogs bark puppy-speak back to us?
Why do black-and-white photos have more clarity and definition than color photos? (So much so that famed photographer Ansel Adams would only shoot in black-and-white.)
Why do we like it when somebody compliments a possession of ours? Why does that make us feel good? We had nothing to do with it! All we did was buy the thing!
Why is it politically incorrect to call a black person a "colored man", but it’s perfectly all right to call him a "man of color"?
Did you know that every animal actor that every played the role of "Lassie" was a male?
Did you know that the term "dog" only refers to male canines? Females, technically, are not "dogs"; they are "bitches."
Did you know that Buddy Ebsen (Jed Clampett, Barnaby Jones) was first cast to play The Tin Woodsman in "The Wizard of Oz"? He lost the part when he was hospitalized due a severe allergic reaction to the lead-based make-up for the part.
Did you know that Margaret Hamiliton, who played The Wicked Witch of the West, was severely scalded in the "I’m melting! MELTING!" scene of that movie when the steam that was used to billow out her dress got trapped inside the dress?
Why do we believe things that we read on the internet, where strangers can publish anything without substantiation, and yet, when a trusted friend tells us something incredible, we are skeptical? (We may even check out what they say on the internet!)
Did you know that all of the actors who played The Marlboro Man on television ads died from lung cancer? It’s true! If you don’t believe me, check it out on the internet. (No. Seriously. It’s true!)
posted on Sept 3, 2008 5:24 AM ()
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Ah, yes! We ALL love Mary Ellen. I don't know the answer to most of these... The plain females of the other species should learn how to use lipstick... If you're talking about those big orange peanuts - I love them! And, we believe what's on the internet because it's true... of course, it is... Ask Al Gore! 
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