Now, I’m a pretty healthy eater, most of the time.

No, really. I am. 

On most days I eat whole grain cereals, have a salad at lunch, have a yogurt and an apple for snacks during the day, and then eat a healthy supper, replete with vegetables.

That’s most days.  That’s days that Mary Ellen is home with me.  But, you see, we’ve got this place on Terra Ceia Bay in Florida (Terra Ceia Bay is a littler bay off of Tampa Bay.)  The place is right on the water, and it is beautiful.

Also, Mary Ellen is retired. So, because she can, she spends the lion’s share of the winter months in Florida. 

I pretty much alternate between Florida and Connecticut, spending a few weeks at stretch at each place.

That means that, for weeks at a time, I’m in Connecticut by myself.

 So, you know what? I’ve discovered something!

You know the old saying, “Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day; teach him to fish, and he’ll eat for the rest of his life”? Well, I’ve altered that just a bit to fit my lifestyle – “Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day; but give a 20-piece bucket filled with extra crispy chicken from KFC, and he’ll eat supper for a week…with no cooking and no dishes and no clean up.”

Yeah, I do that. It’s fast. It’s easy. And it fills me up. 

You see, when I’m home alone, I really don’t have time to cook. Seriously! I get home around 4:15 from work. Then I have to play with the dogs, feed the horses, do my cardio for thirty minutes, do my resistance training, shower, and be at play rehearsal by 7 p.m. Who’s got time to cook?

So, you buy a bucket of chicken and stick it in the fridge.  Then, every weeknight just before running off to rehearsal, you grab two or three pieces of chicken, eat them standing up over the kitchen sink. Throw the bones out where your 95-lb. German Shepherd puppy can’t get his grubby little paws on them, and then you leave!

Calories? I don’t count calories.  I stay thin by counting carbs, and each piece of KFC chicken only contains, on average, 15 carbs.  I’m allowed 250 grams a day.

Triglycerides? Mine are perfect.  Mine are 50% lower than the recommended level. Same with my bad cholesterol, and my good cholesterol soars.

So what’s the bitch?

I’m got friends of mine.  Good friends. Women friends, ( one of whom is a vegan), who think I’m going to hell or something because of this diet.

Oh yeah? Well, I notice that no one of them offers to cook for me when Mary Ellen’s not around.  (Well, okay. ONE! Thank you Laura! Supper last week was delicious!)

Is this diet for everybody? Of course not! Most folks can’t eat this way because of the calories and the fats.  (I mean, hell! Walk into any KFC restaurant and try to find just one customer there who doesn’t weigh at least 475 lbs. and bears a striking resemblance to Jabba The Hut.)

But it works for me.

It does.

Really.

Don’t like it? You don’t have to. You can enjoy your bean curd and tempora and soy shit all you like! I don’t pester you about it, do I?

And the chickens at KFC are too real chickens! Somebody once try to convince me that they were genetically altered Frankenstein chickens with no beaks, claws or feathers –  just plenty of meat.

So, I’m a man who is 5’10”who weighs 175 lbs., with perfect blood pressure and cholesterol levels and triglyceride levels, I exercise for at least one hour every single day, AAAAANNNNNDDDDDDD I eat A LOT fried chicken.

Me and The Colonel.  We’re buds.

Eat your hearts out.