1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to
immediately clear your computer history when you die. 

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment
during an argument when you realize you're wrong.   

3.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.    

4. There is
great need for a sarcasm font.     

5. How in the world are you
supposed to fold a fitted
sheet?    

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?    

7. Map Quest really needs to start their
directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my
neighborhood.    

8. Obituaries would be a lot more
interesting if they told you how the person died.    

9. I can't
remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.    

10.
Bad decisions make good stories.    

11. You never know when it will strike, but
there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to
do anything productive for the rest of the day. 

12.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue-Ray? I don't
want to have to restart my collection... again.    

13. I'm
always slightly
terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any
changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any
changes to.    

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I
will never wash this - ever.    

15. I hate when I just miss a
call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back,
it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't
answer? Drop the phone and run away?    

16. I hate leaving my
house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of
importance the entire day. What a waste.    

17. I keep some
people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when
they call.    

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as
well.    

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any
given Friday or Saturday
night more
kisses begin with Bud Light than Kay.    

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid
Ghetto" routing option.    

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie
that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea
what the heck was going on when I first saw it.    

22. I would
rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take two
trips to bring my groceries in.    

23. The only time I look
forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.    

24.
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.    

25. How many
times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile
because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 
  

26. I love the sense of
camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an idiot
from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!   

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear
gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them
forever.    

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber
and dumber every year?    

29. There's no worse feeling than
that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your
chair back a little too far.    

30. As a driver I hate
pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the
mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.    

31.
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.    

32. Even under ideal conditions
people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their
cell phone, and 'pinning the tail on the donkey.' But I'd bet my behind
everyone can find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in
about 2.3 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!