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Plata: I am a Marine; My son liked dolls. What happened next.
365GAY.COM
I’m
American Mexican, I stand proud at 6 feet 2 inches. In high school, I
was voted “Best all around Senior.” I captained both the baseball and
football teams. Like my dad and my uncles before me, I proudly served in
the United States
Marine Corps. “Semper-Fi” Devil Dogs.
When my wife Elizabeth gave birth to our first son, I was
absolutely positive that he’d follow in my footsteps. He had to, he was a
PLATA. He had to be named after me, Edward.
It wasn’t long before it became apparent that Edward Joseph (EJ) was
following his own path in life. When EJ was just two years old, I was
very concerned to discover that his favorite toy was a Little Mermaid
doll. He had discovered it at a friends house during a play date.
I thought to myself “my son is NOT going to play with a doll. (NOT MY
SON)! I repeatedly threw the doll in the trash and replaced it with GI
Joe figures, though without my knowledge, Elizabeth would go retrieve it
and wash it or purchase him a new one.
Looking back, I think this was the first of many messages of
non-acceptance I sent to my son. Elizabeth informed me, in her own
wonderful way, that I was being Mr. Macho Marine again and that she was
going to keep buying Little Mermaid dolls for EJ because they made him
happy and that it meant nothing.
On the contrary, this was also among the first of many lessons in
accepting my son the way he was created. I still had a long way to go.
Things didn’t get any easier for EJ. In elementary, middle and high
school, boys were quick to notice that he was different, and to turn on
him for what they saw as a weakness. At home, EJ was isolating himself
in his room.
Eventually, after many long talks with mom, EJ came out to us, revealing the source of his torment: He was gay.
I’m ashamed to say that I wasn’t as quick to accept him as I should have been. I had suspected the truth for a
long time, but I had always hoped that it just wasn’t so that he would
grow out of this effeminate phase to become the tough, athletic son I’d
hoped for when I first held him in my arms.
Not feeling like he had the support he longed for at home, EJ looked
for acceptance where he could find it, and he found it with a bad crowd:
kids who abused drugs and alcohol.
I still think about that horrifying night when I called EJ to check
on him, his speech slurred from alcohol poisoning. I still shoulder the
responsibility; had I been more accepting of him, he might not have gone
down this dark road. But he survived. And while we were disappointed
in him, we realized that we needed to help him and help ourselves and
that’s when we reached out to find support.
As soon as we got home from the emergency room at 5:30am, my wife and
I looked on the computer. We found some frightening results what was
likely to happen to EJ if I continued to keep him at arm’s length, and
if we didn’t get help for ourselves and for our son.
We learned that gay youth are at high risk for suicide, substance
abuse, HIV and homelessness. And we didn’t want any of that to happen
to our son. But he was very isolated and needed friends who would accept
him for who he was. And we needed to learn how to support him.
Armed with these facts, Elizabeth convinced me that we needed to take
action. We left our church for one that would support our whole
family, where EJ wouldn’t receive the message that he would go to Hell
because of the way God made him.
With our new church, we started the first support group for our son and other LGBT youth in our conservative
community. Eventually, I overcame my remaining reservations and welcomed
EJ’s boyfriend into our home as part of our family. I now look at
people as just that, people. No different than when I am with
heterosexual people. In reality, we all have much more in common than
the things we don’t. My EJ is a son, a brother, a friend, an artist, a
cosmotologist and much more.
One Sunday morning, I read about an amazing social worker, Dr.
Caitlin Ryan, who had done the first research on how family acceptance
and rejection affects the health and mental health of their LGBT
children.
I immediately sent her an email telling her my story and that my wife
and I along with some very close friends had started a GLBTQ youth
group. Elizabeth and I reached out to talk with her and learn about her
research with the Family
Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University.
We met, and her work opened our eyes, showing us how to help EJ and
other LGBT youth and their families. Once we understood how best to help
our son, we started working with Caitlin to create the first support
group specifically for parents of LGBT adolescents that’s based on her
research and shows ethnically diverse families how supportive and
rejecting behaviors affect their LGBT children’s risk for suicide,
depression, substance abuse and HIV.
Her work shows families how to build their LGBT children’s
self-esteem and well-being, and to strengthen their families. We’re
making a difference in our own community, but the work of the Family
Acceptance Project will make a difference all over the world.
I look at my family today, and I know that I’ve come a long way as a
father. My son is very different from me, to say the least. But I’m no
longer ashamed of or disappointed by those differences.
I’m incredibly proud of EJ for being who he is, in a world that has
so much trouble accepting difference. He knows that our home is one
place where he will always be accepted and where he’ll never have to
hide any part of himself away. Not ever.
thank you so much for sharing this story. I wish everyone in
the WORLD had as much courage and strength as you do! I hope you
continue your work as long as you are able to.
Thank you for sharing this. It is not an easy path that you
have taken, a path that all too many parents must take. Every person
that takes this path, and more importantly shares their story makes a
huge difference in the acceptance our society has within it.
Every gay kid should be so lucky!…Mr Plata is the definition of a GREAT American…..Adapt and overcome! BRAVO!