Profile
Photos
Comments
Money, jobs, loved ones ... all lost along life's way. Yet some find reason to go on. The secrets to survival.
By Liz Doup Or all of the above.
And you wonder, as you lie sleepless at night: How can I survive all this?
Here's your answer: You'll do better than you think, once you stop panicking and start looking around.
When you do, you'll see survivors— people
who've endured far more than a lost paycheck — at your office, in your
neighborhood, among your family and friends. And they're still standing
tall.
How do they do it?
There's no magic combination, say experts who point to everything from
can-do personalities to religious faith to a "resiliency" gene. But a
few common traits do surface.
Survivors tend to be those who understand that crises are part of life
and anticipate adversity, says Ben Sherwood, author of the recently
published book, The Survivors Club. And, just as important, they have hope.
For his book, Sherwood spoke with experts who'd interviewed thousands of survivors worldwide.
Bosnian widows. Holocaust victims. Survivors of rape and torture.
"In thousands of interviews, they never met a person who survived who
wasn't capable of hope," Sherwood says. "They had the capacity to look
ahead and feel that things would get better."
No time to waste on sorrow
Nearly five
years ago, Richie Salidor had a few drinks at a bar and got on his
motorcycle. He wrecked the bike, crushed his spine and now is paralyzed
from the waist down.
Initially depressed, Salidor, 47, rebuilt his life around helping
people. He's treasurer of the Spinal Cord Injury Support Group of South
Florida and gives hope to others as a mentor. He also talks to high
school students about drinking and driving.
"Every day you waste feeling sorry for yourself is a day you'll never
get back," says Salidor, who lives with his wife, Trish, in Coral
Springs. "I can't walk now, but I can transfer from my bed to my chair,
my chair to the car. We go to restaurants, hockey games, the movies.
"Most importantly, I now know you can live a meaningful life in a wheelchair. Every day gets better."
Salidor started developing the resources to cope with adversity as a
child. He was a teenager when his mother died, and he helped raise his
younger sister.
As a New York police officer, he spent a week after Sept. 11 digging through the disaster.
He developed lung disease from breathing the polluted air. His health
problems led him to retire early and move to South Florida. Within 18
months, the wreck put him in a wheelchair.
"From the time I was a teenager I've had to make good out of bad," he
says. "I look at the glass as half-full, not half-empty. I'm lucky I
have a family, my support system. I have a wife who stayed with me."
Five kinds of survivors
As Salidor proves, who
we are plays a major part in how we cope. In Sherwood's book, he
loosely categorizes five kinds of survivors.
The fighter: You're driven to succeed and simply won't quit.
The believer: You put your faith in God to protect and sustain you.
The connector: You overcome adversity through your relationships with other people.
The thinker: You rely on a combination of smarts, creativity and ingenuity to solve problems.
The realist: You're pragmatic with ample insight on how to handle problems.
Many people, of course, are a combination of the above. And a fortunate
third of the population gets a boost from biology, Sherwood says.
In recent years, scientists at the University of Otago in New Zealand
have discovered a "resiliency" gene after tracking more than 1,000
people since 1972 and studying their reactions to stress and their DNA.
People with this gene snap back from life's adversities as if they're
inoculated against the traumas and dramas that push many people into
depression or dysfunctional behavior.
"But for two-thirds of us who don't have that, we need to work on our
resiliency like it's a muscle," Sherwood says. "So we can overcome the
stresses and strains of everyday life."
Liz Doup can be reached at ldoup@SunSentinel.com or 954-356-4722.