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And
I am not talking about the weather!!!
IF one more person says to me that it takes at least a year to
recover from heart surgery I am going to slap them silly. I know that but it
doesn't help now when I am having a rough time!!!
On the plus side there is the fact that I haven't taken any tranquillizers since January 29 but I have come close.
There are nights that I am not able to get to sleep or even unable to lay down
on the bed. I will be at the computer playing Free Cell or Hearts at 3-4 in the
morning wanting to get sleepy or reach for a tranquillizer but don't do either.
I may get some sleep for 2-3 hours.
Then, like last night, I got into bed, was asleep within 15 minutes and slept
solidly for 9 hours. On the other hand there will be nights, like the night
before last, I do get to sleep right away and wake up an hour or two later with
the driest mouth, tongue, throat and, yes, teeth. I will drink water like crazy
and it will happen again an hour later.
Seven out of the eight medicines I take list
dry mouth as a side effect so I have been experimenting--I will skip a drug one
night (like flomax or avodart) or on another night make sure I
take all my drugs before 9 PM. I have even experimented with taking all my
medicine before, and not eating after, 9 PM. Nothing seems to work and there is
no logic as to when I will be able or unable to sleep. There is no pattern or
rhyme or reason.
I have evenings where I am dying to take a nap or my eyes are so heavy that I
feel as if I will fall asleep but I make myself stay up until midnight so I will
be able to get to sleep and, yet, I did take a nap at 4 PM the other day and
didn't have a problem getting to sleep that night.
What is really driving me up a wall, though, is my mental attitude. I so
want to get back to that positive, happy go lucky, nothing will phase me
attitude that I had. I get there once in awhile and when someone asks me how I
am feeling I can/do come out with "Fantastic!" and mean it BUT then for
no reason I can turn into a whining, negative pain in the butt and I hate to
hear myself like that. (Luckily Allen and Gino will listen to me by letting it
go in one ear and out the other!
) It does seem the latter happens, generally, after a doctor's appointment!!!
This week I went to a new heart doctor who passed me on to a lung doctor
which involves me going to another place to get a lung X-ray before I go to him.
I just had lung X-rays taken in October. Added to that my NET doctor prescribed
another nasal spray. It seems every doctor I go to either prescribes ANOTHER
medicine or sends me off to another doctor. I don't know whether 1) they don't
know what they are doing 2) don't have the answers 3) have 'deals' with other
doctors to send patients to each other 4) get paid by the drug companies or 5)
don't want you to get better so they can afford their homes, cars and golf
fees.
Yes, I am being cynical, possibly unfair, but the
sleep, or lack of sleep, patterns affect me that way. Along with not having
access to a car (Allen is a life saver--don't know what I would do without
him!!!) which wasn't anyone's fault--cars do break down now and then--not being able to go to the Mended
Hearts meeting this week--plus, yes, this darn cold weather--this has not been
the best of weeks.
Did I mention weighing in today and losing .75 of a pound or missing my
exercise class for the first time?? Did I say anything about my first experiment
with TOPS--a transportation service to take me on
trips that the bus use to take me? Or when I got to the new cardiologist's
office he was an hour behind in appointments which means it took me close to 5
hours for a half hour 'meeting' and no results. Wait, I take that back. He did
say the valve replacement sounded fine!!!
Okay, okay, 6 months to go and I should be back to the good, great Martin I
was before the operation--or so everyone says!--and the whining and negativity
will stop!
