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It is 4:30 in the morning and I just popped a tranquillizer!!! I
received an e-mail last night that has really disturbed me and,
consequently, I have been unable to fall asleep.
Now I know
better to worry about something before, or even if, it happens but this
is something that upset me and I have no control over. Should the worst
happen it will throw my plans up in the air but somehow or other it
wouldn't be the end of the world.
7 months ago I would have shrugged this off but not now--I find myself a ball of anxiety with my stomach
in knots and my brain working over time to find solutions to a problem
that hasn't happened yet nor may it even happen and may not be as bad
as it looks. Now instead of lighting a cigarette, which I admit to
thinking of doing, I took 1/4 of a tranquillizer.
I know I'm not being very explicit but that's a part of the
problem--I am not in a position to say anything because it could come
back and bite me in the butt and it is uncomfortable feeling that way.
All
I can do is hope the tranquillizer kicks in and that I can get some
rest/sleep--I keep on telling myself that I will be seeing "A Chorus
Line" Tuesday and I don't want anything interfering with that
experience to make it any less than I expect it to be.
All I can
do is hope that everything works out and my anxiety this morning at
4:40 AM was/is a waste of time and energy and that I will wake up later
feeling a lot better and all positive.
