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Get to know the girls who like boys who like boys
By Michael Musto
published: March 13, 2013
Jena Cumbo
"Fruit fly" Lauren Gould and her boys.
Is the term "fag hag" ever OK? Probably not, because two bad words don't
make for one good phrase. And yet it falls so trippingly from the
tongue, and it's certainly sexier than the synonym "fruit fly," which
always calls to mind the expression "nuttier than a fruitcake." I'd
rather be a fag than a fruitcake, though most women would probably
prefer to be an insect than a hag. But whatever you call ladies who
cling to gay men as if they were handbags—let's go with the familiar
"girls who like boys who like boys," or GBBs—they're still out in full
force, the phenomenon riding all sorts of societal evolutions to become a
permanent fixture in LGBT life.
I've generally found that there are two primary kinds of GBBs: the
beautiful ones who need to hang with gay guys so no one will hit on them
for a change, and conversely, the offbeat ones who don't get the
attention they deserve from straight guys, so they envelop themselves in
a world where sex isn't an option and they can't feel rejected. But
what happens when it becomes an option because they start lusting for the gay guys? More rejection! I'll get to that later.
Let's start with Lauren Gould, a beauteous mid-20s design
director at a New York ad agency. "If I had to label myself," she told
me, "I'd go with 'fruit fly,' though I don't mind 'fag hag,' either. For
me, the appeal is that I can surround myself with fun, fabulous, and
intelligent men without worrying about them having alternative motives.
It's hard to strike up a platonic conversation at a bar with a straight
male because they always think it means more. But going to gay bars as a
girl with a posse of gay men, you can dance your ass off without anyone
trying to rub up on you in a sleazy way." Because they're all rubbing
up on each other in a sleazy way.
"I started hanging out with gay men," continued Lauren, "because my
best friend was homosexual, so it was only natural for us to split our
time between straight and gay places so we could both have a chance to
meet potential dates.
"And back when I was single, hanging out with gay men was actually a
great way to meet straight men. A few bartenders or patrons at every gay
bar would wind up being straight and chat me up." So in trying to run
away from too many straight guys with an agenda, a GBB can actually find
some in a gay bar and like it! Curiouser and curiouser.
Lauren happened to meet her current boyfriend because her gay best
friend was hitting on him at a concert, and when he found out the guy
was straight, he brought him over to Lauren like a cat holding out a
mouse. Far from the stereotype of the lovelorn GBB, hanging with the
gays has actually helped this woman's love life.
And the gays are way more sensitive to be around, right? "Definitely
NOT!" she shrieked. "My gay friends are always the first to tell me the
harsh truth, whether it's about a pair of shoes or something more
hurtful. But I like the blunt honesty of it all. That's why I turn to
them for ego boosts, too. Nothing feels better than receiving a
compliment from a gay male." I'm still waiting for one.
Searching for a GBB with more vulnerability, I found Lizzie Johnson
(a pseudonym), a 30-year-old art world employee who told me she prefers
to be called a "fruit fly." "I don't like the 'hag' part," she added.
"Maybe you can call me a 'fag fly.' " A giddy laugh.
And why is she a fag fly, pray tell? "I've never been able to have
good conversations with straight men," explained Lizzie, echoing other
GBB respondents. "I don't like the monosyllabic answers or the
disinterest in talking about life or in anything other than sports facts
and other mundane conversations. Not to stereotype.
"Of course you fall in love with the gay guys sometimes. The first
boy I had a crush on was the first one I did anything with. But when
it's unreciprocated, that's where the danger is." Broken-hearts
mountain. (This sharply contrasts with Lauren, who told me she's never
wanted to consummate with a gay friend: "No matter how hot I think they
may be, it's a line I'd never cross.")
GBBs, I was learning, tend to be either scarily secure or a tiny bit masochistic. Lizzie is such a fag fly she's even starting to wonder about her boyfriend! "The
jury's still out," she admitted to me. "I have my doubts. He's in art,
too—another tricky sign. I tell him I want him to be exactly who he is
and if he decides he likes boys, just tell me and we'll work it out."
Why not? They already go to gay bars together, anyway. "He likes the
conversations and fun that we have there more than with his straight
friends," said Lizzie.
But do the gays even want her there? Many of them love their personal
GBBs, but even with advances in the rights arena, a lot of them still
crave recreational ghettos and moan "Ugh. A woman!" when one walks in.
"That's perfectly within their rights," said Lizzie, ever understanding.
"But I like the ambience. It has excitement, and it doesn't come off as
smarmy and predatory as straight bars." No, not predatory at all. In
fact, a woman will generally leave there chaste, not chased. But she'll
float home on shoes that were praised by gays!
Read more Michael Musto at La Dolce Musto
