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ALL the doctors tell me I am coming along but I don't
feel that way. I still am having many anxiety attacks, my hearing is bothering
me, I am incapable of taking a nap, I still haven't adjusted to the lorazapem,
though I sleep soundly (with the tranquillizers) I don't sleep enough, etc. I
feel cut off, alone, negative--all feelings I am not familiar with.
My psychologist said I have to 'get out there', 'get involved',
be patient, etc., so I am following his advice!
Within the next 5 days I have appointments with my urologist,
gastronomist, primary doctor, psychologist and, most important, my heart doctor
who I have a load of questions for.
Aside from doctors I also have marked on my calendar for this
month the following:
Exercise class every Tuesday morning.
I am trying out 3 different yoga type classes at the Whole Foods
lifestyle center; 1) Monday 5:30 PM -6:45 PM Kundalini Yoga, 2) Tuesday
5:45-6:30 PM and 3) Wednesday 5:45 - 6:45 PM Pilates (if I can get a ride to
each) and then will decide which one to continue.
In the community room of Gateway one organization is holding a
"Living Healthy Program" which will last 2 and 1/2 hours each Tuesday for 6
weeks while another organization will present "Quality Of Life Group Living
Program"--both depend upon signing up enough people.
Next Sunday, November 9, I am going to my second Mended Hearts
monthly meeting--though I was very disappointed in the first one I feel I owe it
to them and to myself to give the organization another chance. They are national
and act as a support group for all people who have had open heart surgery of
any kind. If nothing else during the rap session I just might express how and
why I was so disappointed in my first meeting and what seemed to me was a lack
of interest.
Did have a good 'sign' yesterday--as I have mentioned the bus
service in this area of town has officially stopped. I put in for "Tops" which
is run by Broward Transit, a sort of a private car/van transportation system
which will take you everywhere and anywhere at any time for a charge of $2.50
each way. I received a letter telling me to call them for an appointment for an
evaluation as to whether I am eligible. With my heart surgery, P.A.D. and
claudification, not to mention my doctor's recommendation, I should have a good
chance at getting approved which would ease my mind a lot.
I am truly hoping that with all this I will get back to the
Martin I once was--happy, positive, Mr. Pollyanna, outgoing, charming, sexy and
all that jazz!!!!
