Yesterday I was at Target buying a large bag of Purina dog
> chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog, and was in
> the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a
> dog.
>
> What did she think I had, an elephant?   Since I'm
> retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that
> no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet
> again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I
> ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
> pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
> tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both
> arms.
>
> I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that
> the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with
> Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel
> hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well
> and I was going to try it again.
>
> (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line
> was now enthralled with my story.)
>
> Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care
> because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped
> off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit
> us both.
>
> I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart
> attack he was laughing so hard. Target won't let me shop
> there anymore.
>
> Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the
> time in the world to think of crazy things to say.