Robert and James loved to travel taking many
cruises

Robert had a battle with prostate cancer than a knee
replacement then some really bad falls and it seems like it was overnight,
though it was really longer than that, he grew 'old'.

Last week a good friend of James and a friend of
Robert's and mine, Juan, who moved to Memphis 11 years ago, came to visit and
stayed with Robert and James.

Juan on the right in all 3 pictures

Due to circumstances Juan and I didn't get a chance
to talk alone and I only got to see Juan the day before he left, at Robert and
James house.

Another friend of Robert and James has moved into
Gateway. James worked for her and she knew/knows the guys quite well. We met in
the pool and she told me, what I hope was tall tales, regarding very bad
treatment on one of their parts.

In any case I was extremely surprised when I called
to tell them I would be over that Robert answered the phone. He didn't
comprehend it was me or what I was saying and the fact that James left him alone
really blew me away. Robert is very shaky on his feet, uses his walker and, the
only way I can say it is that both are rat packs and there are things stacked
all over the house, especially on tables and floors and is not the safest place
to walk even if you aren't having problems.

I don't know why but they keep all the windows and
doors closed and have to use lamps to keep the place lit. They recently, after
25+ years living there, fixed up the back yard where Robert likes to sit and
read but today he was indoors. A couple of years ago they had cleaned the place
but it is a mess again. They have stacks of National Geographic around from
40-50 years ago on the floor.

Robert on the left with Allen a few months
ago.

James doesn't drive and Robert can't drive anymore
which all gives me other things to worry about. They have a nice home but it is
in the middle of nowhere and now have to depend on others to drive them on
errands, to doctor's appointments, etc., which isn't easy as I can attest to. I
was after them for years to discuss what would happen to the partner left when
one dies but they never did. Robert certainly, because of health, can't live
alone and James would have no way to get around.

I could go into a lot of other problems but the
bottom line is that sitting with them on Tuesday I couldn't handle seeing Robert
as an old man, sitting there, not joining in the conversation, falling asleep,
seeming to be somewhere else. I see the wear and tear on James and though they
aren't rich they have enough money to get help, to hire a car and driver when
they need one, but they won't. They have collected many valuable things over the
years but won't sell them to make life easier.

I don't know how this tale will end but I do know,
and I say it in shame, I don't think I can follow it to the end. What I want for them and what they will do are two completely different things.
They have had a good life together and I hate to see it, as I think it will, end
badly. I hate to see friends die and don't know how to handle it or what do. I
feel helpless and hopeless.  :O(

I have been there for other friends til the end and
will be there for others in the future but, sadly, I won't be there for Robert
and James and I don't think it is only because I feel they could/should be doing
much more to make their lives easier, better, but for reasons I don't even
understand..