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Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile'?
Glenn: 'Krokodial'.
Teacher: ' No, that's wrong'.
Glenn: 'Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.'
Teacher: 'George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why the father didn't punish him?
Louie: Because George still had the axe in his hand.'
SOME SARCASM OF ZEN
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Generally you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
Don't be irreplacable. If you can't be replaced you can't be promoted.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Before
you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way,
when you criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.
Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it!
the last 2 are my faves
AJ