"If
you got it flaunt it!"   Or, as Rose told her daughter Gypsy, "You
either have it or you've had it and I've got it!" It was the 70s and I
had just lost 100+ pounds and had been through therapy and just knew I
WAS HOT!! And fashions for men were coming out and each man who was fit
became a peacock!! See through shirts and pants,  tight bell bottoms trousers and, yes, even Nehru jackets!

From the age I could understand anything, I was told, repeatedly,
that I had a million dollar smile and even at my fattest I was told,
"You are so charming." Okay, here I am letting myself open to a few
comments but I WAS a conceited jerk--well, I might still be conceited!!
:O) I fell in love with myself at the age of 31 and that has always
remained and is not a bad thing.

I thought--no, I knew--I could get anyone I wanted
and, believe it or not, I usually did. I conned people into going to
bed with me if not with my body then with my smile and, of course, my
charm. I had more sex in 10 years than most people have in a life time
and within a 15 year period I had 3 people who fell in love with me
enough to want to live  and plan a lifetime with me. I dropped people
when I got tired of them, stood one up to keep a date with another and
there is one probably still waiting for me to celebrate New Year's Eve
with them--or not.

When
did I grow up? When did reality hit? Maybe when I gave up my business
and left Memphis? Maybe when I put on a few pounds? Or was it when I
lost the love of my life? It could have been when I had to declare
bankruptcy or the night that I knew if I didn't do something I would
have to sleep in my car thefollowing week? Was it during that period when I was too old for those who liked them young and too young for those who liked them old?

Actually
it happened when I realized that even with the charm and million dollar
smile, let's not forget the (back then) hot body, I was really a nice,
caring, kind and thoughtful human being concerned about other people,
even those I may have been rude to, who I would apologize to if/when I
could get in touch with them. I didn't need validation from others by
having them sexually and/or falling in love with me. Somewhere along
the way I had forgotten a lesson I had learned in therapy that I was
okay being me and I had to learn it all over again.

There is a reason I have written this blog and, in all probability, opened myself to snide remarks, put downs and
negative comments but that's okay as long as it serves its purpose--by
the way I still have the million dollar smile and most of the charm---ummmm, wonder why I'm not mentioning the body?  LOL