How do we make Greenville safe for our kids?

By Leslie Johnson

On Friday, a candlelight remembrance will be held downtown Greenville for Sean Kennedy, whose life was ended when a blow to his face broke many bones and sent him to the ground terminally damaging his brain stem.

Sean was a beautiful young gay man and his attacker called him a vile word that some people think is all right to call a gay person. Sean's family still suffers from the horror of losing him in such a violent way, but Sean was fortunate to have had a family who loved him unconditionally.

What makes the difference between families who can love their children (gay or straight) unconditionally and families who actually teach their own children (who may even be gay) to use unloving and vile terms to gay people? How did we come to this mistreatment of homosexuals? How can we make Greenville a safe place for all of our children?

Assuming there are approximately 417,000 people in Greenville County, and if you believe 10 percent are gay, that number is 41,700 people. If you believe 1 percent of the population is gay, that is 4,170 people. Either number is too many people for us in our county to throw away. Our prejudices stem from what we have been taught overtly and/or by words used in our society that are very misleading, such as "lifestyle" which obviously denotes "choice" when referring to being gay.

Until the 1970s, homosexuality was thought to be a mental illness. Homosexuals were believed to have an "agenda" and wanted "special rights." What special rights? Our gay son does not have the same rights as his heterosexual brother. Harassment by police is not so far in the past we cannot remember it.

In our high schools, homosexuality cannot even be discussed except in the context of HIV/AIDS. In the early 1980s, HIV began killing gay men in this country and our society did not do enough to stop the virus. Certain religions use homosexuality to explain why God sends floods and other disasters. Some religions preach regularly against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) persons from their pulpits.

Why would we as parents abuse and turn our backs on our gay children? What kind of love is that? The current federal administration does not recommend equal rights and treatment for GLBT citizens. We can hear anti-gay comments in line at the grocery store, sitting in a restaurant, at our jobs and in some churches.

Here in Greenville County, we had an anti-gay resolution. Some people on County Council decided that gay people did not fit their idea of family values and wanted them all to go away. Where do gay people come from? Families, of course, and hopefully many families think their gay children are extremely valuable!

In 1998, Matthew Shepard was killed by two men who apparently hated gay people. Federally, there was the Defense of Marriage Act, which was aimed at making sure gay people could not "marry." South Carolina passed an amendment to its constitution that does not allow marriage for gay people or any other "union" for them. How can we believe our children are safe?

My experience has led me to know that being gay is not a choice. The only real choice involved is whether to choose to be who we are or not. Trying to be who we are not can often lead to depression and/or suicide. Gay people have a life, not a lifestyle. A gay child growing up has few places to turn for help in understanding who he or she is. For fear of rejection, the parents cannot be told, and because school will not deal with this reality, no teacher or guidance counselor can be asked to help.

A gay person has no role models. In fact, society teaches gay people to dislike gay people. Hating oneself does not lead to a happy and successful life, no matter who you are.

Many parents of gay children are afraid to tell people that they have a gay child, although they themselves are accepting, because they know their community cannot be trusted to accept their child. This hate spills over to anyone perceived to be gay and to family members and friends of gay persons.

Would Sean Kennedy be here with his family today if hate for gay people did not exist? Can we search for how our prejudice began and put it some place where it cannot hurt anyone?