Partners in abusive same-sex relationships less likely to reach out for help
But while many victims of domestic violence never get help, same-sex
couples face added pressures and anxieties that can make them even less
likely to reach out. They often endure quietly out of fear of both
their abusers and the potential consequences of getting help.

There are no reliable statistics on same-sex domestic violence, because
of underreporting and a lack of research. But resources, though
sometimes scarce, are available to deal with the special needs of
same-sex couples.

"Being in a same-sex domestic violence relationship makes it more
challenging," said Jennifer Rey, violence prevention educator with Aid
to Victims of Domestic Abuse, Palm Beach County's
domestic violence social service. "Sometimes the victim's family,
friends, employer, faith group, may not know that they're in a same-sex
relationship."

Neighbors didn't see signs of trouble in Jessica Kalish's life, and
it's unclear if police found evidence she was in an abusive situation.
But her life ended brutally, with 222 stab wounds in her Boynton Beach home. Police say Kalish, 56, was murdered by Carol Ann Burger in the
home they shared. The two had wed in Massachusetts but recently broke
up. Authorities said Burger, 57, killed herself, and her body was found
a few hours after Kalish's.

That neighbors never saw signs of trouble isn't surprising. Such
secrets are common in all domestic violence cases. Experts agree that
domestic violence is generally an underreported phenomenon and same-sex
couples are less likely to report abuse.

While shame, embarrassment and self-blame often trap victims in their
relationships, there are increased pressures for gays and lesbians:

• Fear of being "outed" to friends and family

• Fear that law enforcement might not take their case seriously or ridicule their sexual orientation

• Worries that the abuse could be subject to a small, tight-knit community's rumor mill

• Worries of homophobia among social service workers not trained to deal with same-sex domestic violence.

But there is help available. In addition to Aid to Victims of Domestic Abuse in Palm Beach County,
the Fort Lauderdale-based Gay and Lesbian Center of South Florida has a
special program designed to help abuse victims. Called Ending Abuse of
Gays and Lesbians Everywhere, or EAGLE, the program deals specifically
with same-sex domestic violence and has monthly educational meetings.

Dr. Nabil El Sanadi, chief of emergency medicine for Broward Health's
hospitals, said most health experts are only now starting to collect
statistics on how widespread same-sex violence is. From early
anecdotes, he said that some of the violence can be more severe.

He said one thing is clear: the problem is not going away and ignoring it will only make it worse.

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