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Monday, 25 January 2010 18:48
“You
really shouldn’t have put yourself in this position,†said the
publisher of this publication to me the Tuesday before Christmas. “I
mean…at your age.†Well, he is right I turn thirty-one in May. I
responded that at any age it could happen, and that at any age it’s not
appropriate.
You see: I came to Miami earlier than I wanted to
relocate. My boyfriend, now my ex, part of how I ended up in this
“positionâ€, wanted me here when I was not financially ready. He even
bought my ticket and I arrived on October 23rd to a celebratory bottle
of champagne.
After I lost my customer service job at
a company my boyfriend consulted for, he broke up with me. However, he
told me to move in with him, out of the bedroom I rented from another
friend. He advised it because, “We spend all our time together anyway.â€
He told me this with his hand on my left thigh and a smile on his
handsome face. If there was not a full moon over Miami, in my version
there was.
We went about three weeks, with me looking for a job
in his apartment, until he dropped the bombshell. In exchange for my
being unemployed I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, and looked after him
when he sprained his wrist and twisted his ankle. Sitting on the sofa
and reading was not my form of gratitude. I don’t believe he fell out
of love with me as much as he was scared that we were becoming people
he loathed. Namely: two people who do not rely on each other because
they want to but because they must.
A. Sebastian Fortino
What
upset me most was that he told me he would “gladly†buy me a ticket
back to Philadelphia or New York. The cities where I was raised,
attended college, and still have connections in. It was as if he made a
mistake with me and wanted me to leave so I would be out of our
established social circle and – ultimately – in the literal cold of the
north.
But…no. I already took that stupid job doing customer
service. I hated it, yet told him I understood why guys worked at
banks, bars, and pharmacies. It’s so they can come home from a shitty
job to their boyfriend every day. Then when I lost the job, I left my
inexpensive share for his apartment, as per his advice. We both lost
sight of why I came here. I moved to Miami as much for him as Miami’s
weather, the art scene, my former New York City roommate Brooke, and
our friends after previous visits. That and Miami drinks so much
champagne I am not exchanging that for Pennsylvania’s Yuengling Lager!
So,
I made up my mind not to leave. I would not do one more thing he
wanted. Not knowing what to do I fell back on the gay community! When I
find myself in a foreign city – Avignon, Zurich, Rome – and find I am
in need of friends and local allies, I always go to the gays. The best
thing about our community is simple: it’s not the music, the ability to
get a haircut half price because you used to date the stylist, nor our
ability to throw great parties. It’s that we know how often difficult
it is to be a gay man or woman. Therefore, it’s our own experiences,
struggles, etc., that allow us more readily to accept and help each
other out.
Right now I am a personal assistant in exchange for
room, board, and a small stipend. I have use of a lovely, furnished,
vacant apartment in my boss’ building “until I get on my feet.†So no…I
am not going back to the Northeast. In fact, even at the height of my
sadness over he whom I really hoped to spend the rest of my life with,
I find something wonderful, new, and fresh about Miami every day.
Whether it’s wearing shorts and going to the pool in January or that
ordering Cuban Sandwiches in my version of Spanish (Italian, with what
I consider to be a Spanish accent), this is where I want to be; and
this is where I will stay.
The publisher of the South Florida Gay
News was right, about not having put myself in this position. Yet
another dear friend said to me, “When your life is exploding all around
you, catch your breath and the best things are going to happen.†So I
caught my breath and watch the explosions recede, while sipping a
Coolata in the Miami sun.
FROM SFGN VOLUME 1, ISSUE 1
SOUTHFLORIDAGAYNEWS.COM