Profile
Photos
Comments
Dealing with dementia not easy for caregivers
By Ann Carter
December 2, 2009
In 1985, Broward County resident Roswell Gilbert was charged with first-degree murder in the
shooting death of his wife, who had dementia. He said she was begging
him to end her suffering. He was sentenced to life in prison.
On
Nov. 13, 2009, Robert "Bobby" Yurkanin II pleaded guilty to
manslaughter in the death of his father. Witnesses had said that
Yurkanin attempted to drown his father, who suffered from dementia.
Yurkanin was sentenced to 15 years' probation.
The contrast
between the two cases partly demonstrates how far we've come in our
understanding of dementia, the slow eroding of a person's very self,
usually due to age-related issues. The most common form of dementia is
Alzheimer's disease, a term often applied to any type of memory
disorder.
Anecdotes only scratch the surface of what dementia
means to the person — and his or her family. For more than 10 years,
I've watched my mother, once an intelligent, capable business owner,
decline to the point where now she doesn't recognize her middle-aged
children.
Her decline has been fortunate in some ways. Six or
seven years ago, she was still fairly mobile and frequently angry and
frustrated by her inability to get what she wanted. Even if she wasn't
sure what she wanted. Imagine a toddler insisting on having her way,
but never remembering your explanation or response, even when you
repeated it several times in an hour. Now imagine this toddler with the
size and the strength of an adult.
Mom was at the point where a
lot of caregivers succumb to frustration — and caring — and take
drastic steps to end the loved one's suffering. The law, unfortunately,
tends to see only that the caregiver has ended his own obligation.
More
than the need to find a dignified resolution to a long, productive
life, the cases of Roswell Gilbert and Bobby Yurkanin demonstrate how
much we need to pay attention to our vulnerable oldest citizens and
their caregivers.
We need to increase awareness of the assistance
available, such as support groups, assisted living facilities (and how
to select one), adult day care, medications, respite care. We need to
work to eliminate the stigma of institutional care — mainly by
improving those facilities, especially at the low-cost end — so that
caregivers don't feel that death is preferable to assisted living or a
nursing home.
And as my generation takes care of our aged parents, we need to prepare ourselves for that same end.
Ann Carter is a former member of the Sun Sentinel Editorial Board.
Get informed
For information and help in dealing with a loved one with dementia, call 1-800-272-3900 or go online to alz.org/seflorida.