Day 2 of my orientation covered material such as: MSDS, Proper ergonomics, HR and the dreaded Advance Directives. Bad timing for that one. It was one year ago this month that my father in law had a stroke and was in ICU for 2 months before ultimately passing away on May 17th while I was in the Bahamas. I remember the discussions about how to get a power of attorney with him not being coherent. I remember how frustrating is was to access the money in his account since my mother in law didn't have her name on the account. What was she going to do with the upcoming bills? So many frustrating things to have to cope with in the midst of worry and fear for Dad's health and possible outcome. Would he get better? What kind of quality life would he have. He would show signs of improvement and then relapse again. All this going on and I checked out. My heart was with someone other than my family. I actually didn't see the man I was having the affair with during this time. My body was at the hospital sometimes but my head was elsewhere. Looking back I hate myself. I wasn't there for my family the way I should have been and then I went on a miserable cruise where I worried about leaving my kids, I was afraid my father in law would pass and I was thinking about the man I was having an affair with. I was so screwed up then. What happened to me. It all came rushing back to me with the simple mention of "Advance Directives." That combined with a tour of the hospital that took me to the ICU sent me into an emotional crippling. Luckily it was the last part and I was able to go home. With all of that said, I can only say, Please get an advace directive if you don't already have one. I remember how hard it was to make the decision to intebate or not. Even knowing that Dad didn't want to live like a vegetable and even though most people agreed, the actual decision in the midst of hope, love and wishful thinking was so difficult. The guilt of making the decision, what if it wasn't what they wanted? What if they would have made it? What if the decision I just made caused him to miss years of life with his family? So many questions. An advance directive can take that decision making pressure off of the family. That is really the last thing one needs to deal with when they are already scared. I learned so much about the legal loops. A person may want to be fed by tube if they have a good chance of survival or not at all. They may want to be recesitated or not at all. There are so many areas you have to make decisions about. Then, once all the decisions are made, you have to get it to be signed by two witnesses. Again there is a loop hole. It can only be signed by either a family member or a hospital employee but not both. If it isn't done properly someone can go back and get the order revoked causing the hospital to keep them alive longer thus prolonging the pain. So many things to think about. Then there is a POLST which is different than an advance directives. The advance directives are for the hospital whereas the POLST (physicians orders for life sustaining treatment program) is for at home. They are not the same and unless you have one for home that says DNR the ambulance people have to do what they can to keep them alive. Advance directives as well as POLST forms can be obtained at hospitals and on line. Enough about that... go get this done!!!!!!! The whole mess came full circle for me. Yet one more step toward facing what I did and hopefully moving on.

www.ohsu.edu/polst/index.shtml

www.nami.org/Content/ContentGroups/Legal/Advance_Directives.htm