The Easter season is about forgiveness. After all, Jesus died so we could be saved and forgiven from our sins. What an amazing gift and I was just granted forgiveness from D'man's wife. She stopped by my house today with Easter gifts for my children and a message of forgiveness for me. I am humbled and so relieved. I really feel absolved. I know that may sound strange but knowing and hearing that she has forgiven me allows me to move forward. She is so amazing and really is the way a Christian should be. I only hope I can be so forgiving in time. D'man found a way to move forward and I now have hope that I can too. I know he won't contact me again, I know he loves his wife and wants to make it work with her. She told me he gave up the necklace and earring I gave him. It really is over! I am so relieved! I now know that half of my heart is mine again. I don't have to worry about if he is going to contact me again or change my avatar or text me. There will not be that wonder in my mind or heart and it feels so good! I can move forward and try to heal. Now if my husband and I can get there! I know people wonder if we can ever be together and I would love to think we could but I don't think he has the ability to live with himself if he took me back. I really betrayed him and hurt him very badly and until 8 days ago, I hadn't "ended" the affair. Communication had continued despite how infrequent it was, it was still communication. I understand why he wouldn't be able to forgive me. I guess forgiveness isn't the right word... He may be able to forgive me but doesn't want me anymore. I am not the woman he married and I guess I'm not the woman he wants to be with anymore. I only wish I was able to see the big picture before I ever strayed and didn't appreciate what I had. I really wish he hadn't filed for divorce but he did and there is no turning back. I know he is done with me and I can't make him love me. He wrote me a letter and it all made sense. We aren't the people we married and somewhere along the line I guess we grew apart to the point of no return. I hate that I have failed and I hate that we are here. The kids and I miss him very much and there isn't a moment that goes by I don't realize what I have done and what has happened to our marriage. Damn hind sight. I am no longer on private mode either. My thought is this... I have nothing to hide anymore. Tomorrow is Easter and it is about new beginnings. Tomorrow is my new beginning. The affair is over, the feelings I thought I had are really gone and I do feel absolved and intend to grow as a person from this point on! I will continue to struggle with my past choices but they are that... PAST!!!! I will continue to miss my husband, we were together for 15 years, he is a part of me and every breathe I take. I will be reminded of him every time I look at my babies, step foot in our house, feed the birds, work in the yard, watch a show, make dinner, see a sport, pet the cat, play a game. There isn't anything I can do that won't bring memories of him. I just hope in time the pain and regret go away and is replaced with a lesson learned and hope for a future. In the mean time... I will pray more, breathe deeply, keep my head held high, stay strong for my kids and cry when they are asleep.