I thought I was able to move on when D'man's wife forgave me. I was already for a new life, a new beginning, I was forgiven right? Wrong.... I forgot the most important person... My husband. I met him at my work to give him the kids and immediately it all came back. My optimism and feeling of forgiveness gone in seconds. I guess it will take longer than I thought. I really am so happy to have been forgiven by D'man's wife. That really is a blessing but I only have one down and a million more to go. I also wronged: my husband,my parents, my husband's family, D'man's family and God. I am slightly dissappointed that I wasn't able to move on like I had thought. I guess I have yet more to learn with this mistake. It broke my heart all over again to see my husband. I really did hurt him so badly... more than I thought I ever could. I really didn't think he cared. I was wrong so very wrong and I hope I can forgive myself and that my husband can forgive me someday.

My parents rented a room at the beach and the kids and I are going to go with them for a night. It is so hard and I am trying to be so strong for the kids but it really isn't the same without my husband there. He usually drives and he is not here. He usually helps us pack and he is not here. I miss his smile when we get close to the beach and the smile on his face when we walk on it. He loves nature and found great peace there. I will miss him so much.