Since there isn't a rewind button I'm
kind of stuck.  Again I did something wrong.  will it ever stop?  Talk
about self sabotage!  We are all walking in together and I start
feeling a panic attack coming on.  I tried to keep it together and will
give myself some creidit.  I didn't hyper ventilate this time so I am
improving.  I just sat in the auditorium crying.  My son is always so
worried about me and gave me a big hug.  I really appreciated it but
realized he shouldn't be the one comforthing me.  I'm the Mom, I should
be stronger than that.  A slight thought began "Tanya, there you go
again screwing up...." I immediately did my self talk thing and pushed
it away.  Victory!  It also helped that the program began.  Now for the
optimism.  My daughter was chosen out of all of the 4th grade students
(a whoppen 36 of them) to be the optimist winnter.  I don't know if it
is a known group or not but it is sponsored by Optimist International
and my daughter is a JOYA award winner.  JOYA stands for Junior
Optimist Youth Attitude.  Now I see the attitude alright and it is
nothing I would give an award for but the school sees something
different.  I'm glad of course.  I'm just so proud of her.  The
students are chosen from staff and students so it is a real honor. 
Optimistic students are chosen if they exemplify the following: "
Happy, kind, thoughtful, caring, helpful, and hope filled.  Optimistic
students have giving hearts, creative minds and serving souls. 
Optimistic students contribute: happiness, peace and productivity to
their classrooms and their schools."  Way to go Haley.  Now that is
something a Mom (and Dad) can be proud of!  I moved on from tears of
sadness to tears of pride!  My little girl  (and boy) is so
remarkable.  I listened very closely to the words that described my
daughter and I reflected as to the kind of person I want to be.  I
admire my daughter so much and I want to strive to be like her!  I love
you Haley.  So... if I want to be optimistic I need to work on it. 
Fortunately the Optimists provided me with a creed that I will share
with all of you.  Maybe we can all become OPTIMISTS!

Optimist Creed

Promise Yourself:

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, work only for the best and expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greather achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

 

 

There it is.. My goal right there in black
and white. My mood is now improved!  I get home check emails and who
did I get one from?  My ex.  He asked why I didn't choose cheaper
tires.  He said I didn't need them.   Asked that I not talk about
finances in front of the kids.  And you know what? I would have
normally gotten very angry but I didn't.  He was right about not
talking about finances in front of them so I could only agree.  And,
even though it really isn't any of his business about the choice of
tires I get, He mentioned in the email that it may not be helping.  I
guess just the acknowledgement that he realized it wasn't helping took
the sting away.  It really didn't help.. after all, there isn't
anything I can do about it now.  But he realized it and admitted it!
Where in the hell was this man?  Or maybe, just maybe, I am now an
OPTIMIST!  I am for the moment anyway and I'll take it!