Yes.. I am having another one of those days. This divorce becomes more real every day. Today I had mediation for custody of the kids. That is one area I don't think we will have too much to disagree about. He is a great Dad. I am so happy with the growth in him. He is able to show emotions and laugh with the kids so much more. I think the past year and all his loss really put things into perspective for him. I'm just sorry I won't be around to see this new side of him. I actually will see it... through my children. They really are coming home happy so I am happy. I really wish we could stop this and try again. I know ... I know... move forward. It is just really hard when there is a great deal I still love very much about him and then there are the kids too. And I know, I know, I can't change the past only move forward. I don't dwell on it anymore, the moments just creep in. Tonight they crept in a lot. With Father's Day coming I wanted to do something nice for him. I decided to put all the pictures on a disk. Big ole bad mistake! The tears would not stop! I am doing it but it is taking longer than I thought... we took a lot of pictures. I am only on 2006 and I have been at it for 2 hours.



The tears actually began this morning. I realized that I 'toadally' missed this school year with my children. I blinked and it was gone. The field trips, the classroom parties, the gifts for the teachers, the awards ceremonies.. all gone and I missed not being there. The amount of love teachers have for children is just amazing. My appreciation goes to all you teachers out there (Gwen and Angie). I am so blessed to have such caring teachers for my children. I cry just thinking about how many times they comforted our kids as they tried to cope with the divorce. I cry happy tears when I think about how much my little man loved his teacher enough to tell her he wets the bed. He trusted her with his deepest embarrassment. That says a lot for her. I am so grateful for the talks they had with him and encouragement they gave him in regards to the divorce. To know that they took that extra step with my children just warms my heart. I cry when I think about the fun things my kids won't be doing this year. I know it is so normal for most kids with working parents and I should be so glad that I had as many years as I did.

I have noticed that my last few blogs have been real downers and I really will try to be more positive. This land of the doldrums is bringing me down and I don't like it. Hopefully I have a good weekend ahead of me and I will have something good to report! I will find something!