Tomorrow is my husbands birthday. I am so emotional. Each year the kids and I write in a journal for his birthday rather than buy him cards that will just get tossed. This will be the first year I don't write in it. I do hope he continues the tradition with the kids but I will understand if he can't. The kids would draw pictures for him and tell him there wishes for his birthday. I would write in it as well. Some special thing about him or some hope for our future maybe. I don't know... I just know that it isn't happening anymore. It is hard not to buy a present for him. So many things I know he would love. It is hard to not give him a birthday kiss or make him breakfast or a special dinner of his choice. It is just plain hard. I miss the life we had so much. The divorce is getting closer and closer. It makes me sad. The end of a life and a dream. It was hard to take the kids shopping for him too. They picked out presents for him that they thought he would like. They are such thoughtful children. My daughter especially. Tonight they were in watching tv to unwind before bed. I went in my room to tell them to get ready and she was organizing my shoes. I have way too many that is for sure. She filled the entire bottom of the closet my side and Aaron's. That made me cry again. I cried while filling out his birthday card, now knowing that his side of the closet is becoming mine, not OURS, and again tonight realizing all of the little things I miss about him. It is just hard.