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Southwestern Woman

Home & Garden > From the Back Porch

From the Back Porch

Spring was sneaky this year. All the talk of the virus kept us indoors and out of the loop. I looked out the window and it dawned on me that the trees all had leaves and the grass was green. It gave me quite a jolt. I shopped yesterday and now I know that I need at least four more showey hanging baskets for the front and back yard and a few individual plants to fill in. I was able to find humongous ferns for the back porch. They were so big they would not fit in the trunk and they had to ride in the back seat like two plump women. While I was gone, the twins came and mowed. This has helped my morale immensely. Ted lost one of his brothers. The brother that had alienated all family members and drank himself to death. It is both sad and strange to have a death in the family and no one mourns or sheds a tear for him. He had alienated everyone but he had enormous potential for good that was totally wasted. His other brother is very ill. He has Lewey body dementia, cancer and Parkinsons disease but he has a devoted wife and daughters to care for him. It is a stark contrast in how the two guys have chosen to live their lives. Ted is depressed at the loss but we had not seen Tom in over eleven years and he lived about 3 miles from us. That is not unusual in Ted's family. Ted had five brothers and I had one sister. Our extended family is very close and unfortunately Ted's is not. I always though big families were great and envied my friends siblings. s

posted on Apr 22, 2020 5:23 AM ()


I send my sympathies to you and Ted. I have a well full of empathy and understanding to share with you.

My late ex-husband Jim's sibling family (once 9, now 7) are very close and so connected, just as I am close to my two dear older brothers. Jim's family is still very close to me, too, and it is a blessing. I do lapse into sadness at times for all Jim missed in this life due to his chronic, severe alcoholism. He did finally get into long term residential treatment in his late 50s, generously paid for by his four other brothers, all in AA for decades. Jim was sober for eight months for the first time since he was 14. Then in a depression after the place where he had a part-time job downsized and let him go, he left his transitional sober-living halfway house and had a severe relapse, which killed him. He was only 58. So tragic.

My heart is with you.
comment by marta on Apr 22, 2020 6:16 PM ()
Such a waste of potential. Tom has a delightful sweet son from whom he was estranged. He missed all the joy of being a grandfather. When Tom retired, the bottle became his life and he quickly deteriorated. So sad
for all those lives impacted by drink.
reply by elderjane on Apr 23, 2020 2:56 AM ()
My immediate family was just my sis and me. Parents and sis gone. I am close to my two first cousins, but they are in Illinois. I wish I could see them but Connie is fighting cancer and even before then, was not inclined to travel. I worry about her a lot. I have bouts of sadness and have to fight it off. It is what it is. I filled out a med questionnaire today and depression was on it and I had to think about it. I don't think I have clinical depression, I am just sad a lot. Does that count?
comment by tealstar on Apr 22, 2020 5:11 PM ()
I don't think we are depressed all the time because we can still find joy in our animals and friends. We had an investment club meeting last night by computer and it wasn't nearly as much fun as it is in real time. We can't help being sad for those who left us too soon.
reply by elderjane on Apr 23, 2020 3:03 AM ()
There's two hummingbirds today - more to come!
comment by traveltales on Apr 22, 2020 2:32 PM ()
Yea! I hope you have lots of sugar to tempt them.
reply by elderjane on Apr 22, 2020 2:55 PM ()
If I wasn't for fb I probably wouldn't be in contact with any of the relatives. No big deal. Our grass was greening up and the tiger lilies are 8 inches tall. But it snowed again this morning. This is unusual but not unheard of around here.
comment by jjoohhnn on Apr 22, 2020 7:04 AM ()
I love tigerlilies. I had a lot at the farm but none here, however I have crepe myrtle which is failure proof and lots of roses and beds of sage and rosemary that are thriving.
reply by elderjane on Apr 22, 2020 2:57 PM ()
My dads family isn’t close at all (5 kids), my moms is (10 kids).
I’ve had the magical third death in my world - I hope it’s done for awhile.
comment by kristilyn3 on Apr 22, 2020 6:35 AM ()
I hope so too. My worst losses were my son and my father. I was very close to both of them and I miss them every day.
reply by elderjane on Apr 22, 2020 3:00 PM ()

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