When I was a kid I was a mass of nerves. I was always becoming nauseated in class and had to go to the nurse's office. Now, I feel like that again. My stomach is never really calm, and I dread trying to go to sleep.

I haven't slept in a bed for a week now. When I went to my brother's apt. to help clear out his belongings, I slept on the floor with cushions and my sisters slept in the remaining bed in the place. I can't sleep with someone else in the room because I'm so restless.

After getting home again, I went to sleep in a rocking chair in front of the TV after watching episodes of Jeeves & Wooster. (I highly recommend the series for anyone suffering from anxiety; it's so harmless and silly.) Sleeping in a chair is lousy for anyone with a bad back and cervical degeneration like I've got.

And now I have two whole days to try to get over this bad cold and get on a regular sleep schedule before driving out to my other sister's place to go with her to the out-of-state hospital treating her husband. This sister has become ill herself. And she doesn't know if her husband will make it.

Although you may have seen someone's body and touched it, it's still as confusing to me that someone is dead and gone as if I hadn't seen him, and I wonder how on earth animals can take it. The dog left alive whose companion has disappeared, or a pigeon on the street having to leave the dead one there. I'm rambling and ungrammatical and who cares. It is close to 4 in the morning again.