Things my father used to say:

 

1. You've got to get them before they get you. Because they're definitely trying to get you. (He was saying this long before Hill Street Blues.)

 

2. If you have it too easy when you're growing up, you won't learn to fend for yourself. You kids have it easy. 

 

3. You don't let anyone hurt your wife -- like you don't let anyone kick your dog.

 

4. That's so stupid you should stick your head in the toilet and flush it a couple of times, to clear your head.

 

5. You're going to grow up and marry gas station attendants. (This, to my older sisters, in their teens.)

 

6. And you're going to end up on Skid Row. (This, to me. I was nine or ten when he last said it.)

 

In my twenties, I thought about going to Skid Row in order to have some photos of myself taken.  Lying on the ground, clutching a paper-bagged bottle of beer. Never got around to it, though. Too busy with my business that's been going strong for 12 years, you b**tard.

 

Okay, enough of that. I was in a bad mood. Now it's over.