In 1973 I was married to a physically violent and controlling man. At that time, the church did not accept divorce for any reason. When I went to them for help, the priest urged me to stay with him and said he was "my cross to bear" in this life despite the severe beatings and numerous hospitalizations. I was threatened with excommunication if I left him. I tried to stay with him until he once beat me so badly that I was unconscious for two days- and once again hospitalized. At some point he had stopped and taken me to the hospital rather than face murder charges. In the emergency room, he told them that he found me like that in a parking lot and blamed unknown muggers. That, by the way, was when I left him despite the fear of excommunication from the Catholic church. Upon leaving the hospital, I never again returned home.

There is a lot more to this story, but this is about what happened while he was beating me. I had an out of body experience. I watched him straddling my unconscious body; watched as he strangled me. One moment, I was under him looking up at his rage-flushed face, and the next, I was watching the scene as if from above. The fear was gone replaced by a peacefulness and calm. I remember wondering how I could possibly see the two of us from this perspective, looking at my face and closely examining the back of his head and back. That is the one thing I clearly remember about the experience. I could change my visual perspective at will, without moving. I realized that my body was likely dead, but that did not concern me because it was just my body- I existed in this other place, and this other place was very real. I understood things that I cannot now begin to remember or imagine. I knew beyond any doubt that there was a Supreme Being and that I was somehow a part of it (him?); a part of the universe.

One moment I was in this peaceful state, and the next I was only vaguely aware of being in the emergency room. My next fully conscious thoughts were of waking up alone in a hospital room quite disappointed that the incredible knowledge and understanding that I had experienced was stripped away from me. I remember telling a doctor and one or two nurses what had happened to me and they referred me to a psychiatrist. They ascribed it to some kind of hysterical response to the near-death experience. I learned quickly to not talk about it because it was regarded as "crazy" while I knew it was absolute truth.

Years later, I read a book by Raymond Moody, M.D. called "Life after Life". It chronicles the experiences of people who caught a glimpse of Life after clinical death. I knew then that my out of body experience was real- not hysteria. What always stayed with me was the absolute certainty that there was life after death, and that a Supreme Being- however 'he' is personafied- does exist. 'He' may not be the god visualized by Jews, Muslims and Christians, but 'he' exists.

To me, religions are no more than cultural constructs, a way of understanding that which we otherwise cannot, and a means by which we acknowledge the existence of a Supreme Being. Christianity fits my social and cultural heritage and gives me a language for talking about God. My experience taught me that any form of organized religion, while giving me a framework and language for acknowledging god, also limits my understanding of 'him'. I accept those limitations as long as it also provides a framework by which to acknowledge 'his' existence.