Today's Miracle Mind ?

As we get older and have learned from more of life's experiences, we know where to be a little more cautious, we think a little more maturely, and we appreciate the concept of seizing every moment...not to let any moment be wasted...live for today...etc. It only makes sense that this relationship would be, should be different than the one you had before. Hey, think about this...there are friends who seemed to be instant friends, and there are people who become friends. So, again, it's proof that all relationships are different anyway.

Express that fear clearly during intimate conversations...it will always help when there are any disagreements or unhappy things to discuss because caution will be taken to avoid such feelings from rising up and the willingness to calm those fears if they should arise. By keeping communication alive and well throughout a relationship, being open and honest even with more difficult things, those fears may not arise as easily and quickly as confidence and trust builds...but, they can be eased if they should arise. Yes, relationships can end, but they don't usually end because of a fear from something that's been said in an argument... it's from something else that has already developed and/or festered, so try not to misinterpret the argument for something other than the argument itself. I learned that if Edie is mad about a bill I forgot to pay, she is only mad about the bill I forgot to pay...yes, she's upset with me for doing it, but only for what I did. She has not stopped loving me or feels I'm not worth it or that the relationship is over...and she is surprised to hear that I even thought that when all she was mad about was the darn bill and the fact I didn't pay it.)

My thoughts and prayers are with your gram, as they are with you and yours.

Wow, you have no idea how many times I have to repeat numbers 1 and 2 to myself!

This is a good list to write out and keep handy.

I have a couple of things to say here...

First, he's a man...many have a lot of difficulty accepting that they have lost something...yes, it's a control thing...it has to sink in and it will and then won't, will and then won't...he has to live with himself and the knowledge that he is being rejected, that somebody is better for you and the kids than he is, that he can't make the decisions.

Second...some told me I was moving too fast when I met Edie...give it time, be sure, don't rush into something just because you want it. But, gee, let's cut out some of the crap, too! I'm not a school girl who just wants to have Saturday night dates and get little trinkets and have things to add in my diary...I'm not in my twenties and anxious to be a bride like so many of my friends because I want to be married and have a house and kids and dogs and a white picket fence...and, heck, I've been married before and been through good and bad with that, so I already know what I'm looking for and what I want! I don't want to be alone in my life, but I'm not going to get to know somebody first. I want to date and have some fun and a little romance during that "get to know each other" time, but I'm also in my forties and I don't want drag my heels because I don't want to lose time. And, once I knew I liked Edie and she liked me, once I knew we got along fine but we would bicker about certain things (and those things didn't matter), once I knew I was feeling happy and better about myself and she was, too....then we BOTH knew what we WANTED and how it was all going to end up anyway, so let's just DO IT NOW! I haven't regretted my decision once! (And, do you know what? Even if it didn't work out and it ended, at least we had the time together that we did...happy, loving days that were shared...there's nothing wrong with that, either, if one knows enough to let go before there's hurt and anger.)

Amazing.

It's a shame that all things like this just do not ever completely go away and we all have times of "drowning from being under things" even when we're supposedly happy and feeling good about ourselves. These are times I "play" what I learned in therapy...you have the list already (it's right there in your post)...take each thing and say, "Is this really something I did or is it someone or something else's doing", "Can I fix it or is it not mine to fix", "Is this really true and serious or is it something I'm over-reacting to or have I made it to be more than what it is", and, "is this really something I need to focus on or can I just let it go"? (If I need to focus, is it now or at another time?) Once sorted, and some things discarded and some eased-over or resolved, the rest can be organized into a priority list...and you may find that one will take care of another and others will be taken care of (or addressed) when other things are handled. Clear your head, take some breaths, let yourself realize a plan for how to proceed...it's not all going to go away or change in a day, but you can still live your day knowing that, in spite of all those things, you are alive, you do have love, you are making such progress, and you have your own stuff to do...including things you enjoy doing. We all go through life this way, dealing with things as we also live our lives with responsibilities and, hopefully, enjoyment, love, and happiness. They can and do co-exist, and will co-exist without ill effects if you don't let the "badder" things give you the impression that they are the only things...and that the "gooder" things are being robbed from you. Deal with one and "to hell with all of it" while you are doing the other. (It's a balancing act...you can prevent one from out-weighing the other.)

You know, you really can't blame yourself or be too surprised if you react and say things a little defensively...after all, think of the things YOU even doubted about life, yourself, your future, etc., and then when somebody says or does something that isn't in sync with your intentions, thoughts, feelings, etc., it's taken a bit more personal than maybe some other types of criticism, advice, opinions, etc. Knowing that others might be judging you (you've probably been thinking this long before now), you have an "edge" to yourself that might create a bit of a tone, phrasing, animation, or other impressive reaction or the way you explain things or hold a conversation on certain subjects that "gets to people". The fact that you are aware of this and am trying to do something about it is a step in the right direction...not to necessarily "go along with what others are saying", but to say things better and leave a better impression. They might feel differently about things if they were really hearing your thoughts and feelings and seeing the life and examples you have...but they can not hear or see those things because they can only hear your tone, phrases, etc. and can only see your anger, defensiveness, etc. I know you are not like this when you are relaxed and can really be yourself and comfortable about it, so working on really being yourself will do you good, too.

Is Kev better? It's tough enough for some kids to go to school, but to have to live with asthma and allergies, too, that can be really tough.

You can not control or take responsibility for how others feel (and think). We all do our best to get along, but it isn't always up to us as to how somebody else is going to react, behave, or believe. Don't forget, a lot of their thoughts and feelings are based on their experiences, things that they've witnessed and heard in their lives...just like a lot of your thoughts, feelings, plans, etc. are based on your experiences and so forth. It is not healthy go do or say everything that will make others happy...that's called succumbing...and that's when you are at someone else's mercy, but not necessarily taking care of yourself, being yourself, or happy. Sure, efforts do need to be made and, hopefully, understandings will be reached. Compromises do work when choices need to be made sometimes, but never compromise yourself...it's awfully darn hard to re-compensate for the loss, as you already know. Sometimes, others don't want to see or admit that something else is better...they're too emotionally tied-up in other ways (back to the experiences in their lives and their own feelings, opinions, etc.)...so, it's really them and not you.
There's no need to fight with them, no need to apologize, and no need to give in...just know that you are ok, that you have tried and do try, that you don't hate them or hold anything against them, and continue to be who and what you are and need to do. (It's nice to be able to live with other people, but you have to live with yourself!)

Poor things. You gotta feel sorry for them, don't you? But, then again, maybe if there wasn't alcohol breath or intimidating looking umbrellas to deal with, maybe it would be easier, huh? Are you sure the guy with "the breath" wasn't Benny?

I was w-a-a-a-a-a-a-y off! Must be because I'm so pure and innocent.

Yep, that could be me, too!

Gee, I'm so sorry to hear about the layoff. I hope it's only a temporary situation.

I thought I was pretty creative when I was a kid, but those babysitters have me beat! Oh, my, I don't think they were rewarded for their creativity, though! Ouch!