On a recent trip of mine (to Europe), a well known interviewer there noticed me, and wanted to talk. So here is how it went...

Bob Wacksalot: Mr Ambrose, MR AMBROSE!! Please can I have a moment of your time (I was walking out of my hotel room).

Mr. Ambrose (Me, aka Gary): And who might you be?

Bob Wacksalot: I am "Bob Wacksalot"! I run the biggest "British Broadcasting network.. BBN, I am sure you heard of it".. I also am "Main editor, and owner of our top magazine. "UK life today"... can I have a moment of your time "Mr Ambrose?" Please!!!

Mr. Ambrose: Yeah, was about to get a beer.. you could tag along.. we can talk at the "pub".

Bob Wacksalot: Thanks "Mr Ambrose"!

Mr. Ambrose: Just PROMISE me you won't call me "Mr. Ambrose" again.. far too creepy to me.. I'm a regular guy.. just call me "Gary".

Bob Wacksalot: Ok Gary, and thank you for granting me this time...

Gary: Ok.. shut up with the "Gratuities". Just say what ya mean, it's one of the things I hate about "foreign dorks" too nice.. come visit "Detroit", we'll purge that right out...

Bob Wacksalot: Thank you "Mr. Ambrose".. I mean Gary.. "Sorry".. Well, I really need an interview.

Gary: About what?

Bob Wacksalot: In the UK, it's a well known fact, you are the "tittie" expert of the USA. I think our readers would really like to hear your thoughts.

Gary: Well how do you know that?

Bob Wacksalot: In the UK we monitor all USA blogs.. we read everything. We have a huge network of intelligence. Most from our government. Now most is for military, but they sell some of this to us in the "news" business.. cause we may make a profit (and we pay high taxes, so they profit). Usually, it's something like a "source" location. I paid a shitload to learn where you were staying "Gary"..

Gary:.. Oh, that's Fucking awesome! Kewl, lets get this "interview flying"....

Bob Wacksalot: Gary, what is the perfect "tittie" to you.

Gary: Ya know Bob, Some say they gotta be huge, I never really thought that. I'd have to say the perfect "titties" are the "perky ones", the ones that point up to "heaven", not down to "hell".

Bob Wacksalot: So size really doesn't matter?

Gary: Everything matters in some "slight way", so don't get me wrong Bob. I'm just saying the things about a "perfect tittie". I'd say, tight, like firm. Pointing up.. with some smooth polished "skin"...

Bob Wacksalot: Does color matter Gary?

Gary: Hell no, White, yellow, tanned, they all feel good. I'm not "preduice" never have been.

Bob Wacksalot: Taste?

Gary: Interesting you would ask that Bob! All "titties" taste the same. They taste like skin. Of course we like women who "shower" alot, but even if they don't.. they soon taste the same...

Gary: Before you go into more Bob, I want to eloborate on that last question. I think "taste" is in the mind. I mean, if she is overall "smoking" hot, she will taste like a "Strawberry Sundae" during sex (no matter what)... in reality, it still just skin.. perception and "feeling" is the key. Now if you "slip up" (happens to most men) and do the biggest "fluggy" in the trailer park, she may not taste like the "Strawberry Sundae" above.. More like "stale chips" but when your "hungry" even "Stale Chips" taste good!

Bob Wacksalot: Yes Gary, I think I see your vision...

Bob Wacksalot: So would you suggest to our "readers" to "hold out" till you get the "Perky titties"?

Gary: Not at all Bob... See, only 1% of the entire world of men gets the "titties" they really want. People like "Hugh Hefner" get what they want, but not many others... Ya know, Clinton even tried for better, and got busted.. he was the "Leader of the free world" and forced back to "saggy tits".. so this thing is "bigger then us men".

Bob Wacksalot: So what happens, if I am with a woman.. and she asks me "how her titties" look?

Gary: Ya know Bob, this is one area that ALL men must "lie about". I don't care if her "nipples" drag on the floor, you gotta lie! It's good for you, it's good for her! Hell, it's even good for "mankind"!!!

Bob Wacksalot: Gary? Women always tell me NEVER lie to them??!! I need advice.

Gary: They was lying when they said that. See women, somehow expect us to "read between" the lines. We can't always. What your woman means.. don't "lie" about anything except her "looks"...

Bob Wacksalot: How did you become known as the "tittie expert" Gary?

Gary: As a young boy.. I found my Grandpa's Playboy's.. that began my love for titties. Soon after, I was stealing dirty mags whenever I could. I started masterbating, then I went on to date and corrupt every girl I could. I guess you could say, Experience is why guys want my advice....

Bob Wacksalot: That is so Cool Gary....

Gary: Yeah.. so many memories.... :)

Bob Wacksalot: Great interview Gary! Any last thoughts?

Gary: Only one Bob... where did your last name "Wacks-alot" come from. I know alot of "Millers" that name came from "millers"... people who worked in "mills and chit".. Just a wonder Bob....

Bob Wacksalot: I don't know Gary... But I thank you for the interview! I hope your trip back to the US is a good one.

Gary: Thanks Bob... laterz...