I sent an email recently to one of the teachers I loaned things to when I cleaned out my classroom last year. I wanted to let her know that I wanted some things back and what she could keep or buy from me.
Here it is.
Hi L*****,
I hope you're doing well and have had a good year and summer. I've
decided to retire in a few months so I won't be coming back at all. I'd
like to have the rug I loaned you. Could you bring it over (I'm not far
from you)? 
I think I loaned some bookcases to you and C*****. They were very
sturdy, dark wood ones. I'm not sure if you kept one or not? I think I'd
like to get something for them because they were kind of costly. I think
the only other things I loaned you were books, right?
Let me know what's up,
Karen
I thought that was nicely worded but her reply, not so much.
Subject: Re: my rug, etc.
Karen,
I am doing just fine.  Keeping busy with my kids and working full time.
Congrats to you on your retirement!
To
be honest, you caught me off guard with this e-mail as my understanding
with the rug was that you didn't want it any more.  I actually have it
in my son's room at home.
I do  have the bookcase in my classroom and I am happy to let you have
it back. 
As far as the books, N*****  and I combined over 100 books
or more within the last few years and it would take me a great deal of
time (and N***** too) to go through every book in order to identify which ones belong to you. 
I
am sorry for the misunderstanding that we evidently had.  Let me know
if you want to somehow come and pick up the bookcase, I really don't
have a way to get it to you.  Sorry to hear about your foot, I hope it
feels better soon! 
L*****
Here are some of my ideas for answering this woman.
" Let me know
if you want to somehow come and pick up the bookcase, I really don't
have a way to get it to you." I'm so tempted to write back and say something like: "L*****, you ignorant sl*t! Do you expect your mortgage company to come and get your payment every month to repay the loan?
 
"As far as the books, N*****  and I combined over 100 books or more within the last few years and it would take me a great deal of time (and N***** too) to go through every book in order to identify which ones belong to you."
For this one I have two possibilities. The first is: Well, you'd better get started then!
Here's my second thought. "I know you tried this before when you crossed out M***'s name and wrote yours on his books while he was on active duty... Didn't work that time, either."
"My understanding with the rug was that you didn't want it any more. I actually have it in my son's room at home."  Well, you understood WRONG! (And I notice that she didn't say anything about returning the rug.)

I thought that I'd get some ideas from the rest of you before I send my reply...