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We are all familiar with the stories and jokes about the blonds, the mothers-in-laws and the wicked stepmothers. However, I am not blond and haven't been since I was just a wee one. I consider myself an excellent mother-in-law, for I learned my lessons of what not to do from watching my mom. But, when it comes to the role of wicked stepmother, I guess that I take the cake.
Hubby has three sons from a previous marriage--a marriage that was made in hell. Since the marriage was dysfunctional, the three sons have a very difficult time establishing and maintaining relationships. Hubby and I have always been generous to a fault with our children, putting aside our needs to fulfill the needs of them. We have paid for schooling, honeymoons, furniture, a place to live--the list could go on and on. Unfortunately as the words of the song go, you can't buy love!
Two years ago, hubby's stepbrother, who lives in Amsterdam, asked if he, his girlfriend, and her mother could stay with us on their way to stepbrother's daughter's wedding. We said of course. We made all kinds of plans for sleeping arrangements, food, entertainment, etc. They arrived in St. Louis and rented a car. We assumed that they would be at our house in time for lunch. Hubby and I waited and waited. No stepbrother. Finally, he shows up at almost dark. Along with him, his girlfriend and her mother were hubby's middle son and several cousins. I was livid, not for the company, but for the fact that they had not called to let us know that they had stopped to visit at the cousin's house. Hubby and I hadn't eaten, for we were waiting for them to arrive as they had stated that they would. I was livid, not for myself but for the disrespect and rudeness of their behavior. I made the mistake of telling them how I felt. I thought that we were a family and could discuss things. However, I was wrong. Although they acted normal and socialized, after they left, I guess they decided that I was a witch. Oh, stepbrother decided to say with his cousin rather than us. It is not what you think. Hubby is almost 20 years older than his stepbrother and the cousin is much nearer his age. I guess that he thought that youth has its advantages. So all of the planning and waiting were for nothing.
Hubby and middle son would talk on the phone every week or several times a week. However, hubby would call and no one would answer. His ex wife finally called and wanted to know what in the world Angie had done, for the son was really mad at me. To make a long story short, middle son has not talked to his father for two years. When I found out that son was angry, I wanted to grovel and ask for his forgiveness, but hubby said no that I had nothing to apologize for and that the problem was his. I told him that I didn't care that I just wanted peace between them. But, hubby was firm!
I went to Cape Girardeau yesterday, and I swear that I will never go back. It brought back all of the pain and misery that my reprimand has caused. I wish that I had just kept my mouth shut. As I said, I thought that we were a family and that included all of the good, bad and ugly, but that is true only if you are not a stepmother, I guess.
All of the good that hubby and I have ever done has long been forgotten, and only a small incident in a 20 year span has been remembered. I need help here. What should I do? I feel so bad for hubby.
