A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from
head to foot. The doctor comes in and says,
"Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now
you probably won't remember, but you were in a
huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be
ok, you'll walk and talk again, but your penis
was severed in the accident and we couldn't find
it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You
have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and
we now have the technology to build a new penis.
They work great but they don't come cheap. It's
roughly $1000 an inch." The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many
inches you want. But I understand that you have
been married for over thirty years and this is
something you should discuss with your wife. If
you had a five incher before and get a nine
incher now she might be a bit put out. If you
had a nine incher before and you decide to only
invest in a five incher now, she might be
disappointed. It's important that she plays a
role in helping you make a decision." The man
agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have
you spoken with your wife?" "Yes I have," says
the man. "And has she helped you make a
decision?" "Yes" says the man. "What is your
decision?" asks the doctor..

"We're getting granite countertops."