August 20, 1998...Funny how I can remember that date. It was a Thursday.

What was I doing then. I was the superintendent for a fire sprinkler company here in Houston. I was making decent money. I was single. I was also the Associate Pastor at a church in the Heights area of Houston. I was till in Seminary.

I won't go into all of the hows and whys but I went on a date that night. We met at a Pappadeaux Seafood. We had an appetizer of seafood au gratin. I had fried crawfish tails. My date had the mixed grill. For dessert I had bread pudding. My date had sweet potato pecan pie with bourbon sauce.

It was the first time we had actually met. My date wore red. I wore olive colored Dockers and a golf shirt.

We talked well past the meal was over. I had never really talked to anyone like that in forever.

It was my first date with Amy, Peanutsmom. And it was 10 years ago today. Funny how things change in 10 years.

Amy and I are long divorced. She is remarried. We have an amazing child. I often regret that I never lived with her. However, as I look at it logically, I see that is is actually the best for her. She never knew the loss of me. Her world, while a little out of place, is actually fairly normal. She lives in a house, has two dogs and two parents who adore her. She has never seen us fight. There was never anything to cause her to wonder if it was her fault we divorced.

Amy is an amazing woman. She is a special education teacher. She is the one that is the last stop for kids with behavior problems and mental health issues. She has received awards from her local mental health community for the work she has done with her kids. She has been at the same school for, I think, 17 years. She deals everyday with kids who kick, scream bite, fight, punch, curse, yell, pout, spit, and generally raise hell. I guess she needed that experience to deal with me all of these years.

Most of her kids are poor. She provides them with school supplies, new coats, clean clothes, Thanksgiving and Christmas are done with my help. She works tirelessly to reward them, to try and help them learn to control their behavior. She rejoices in their successes and she weeps when they fail.

Amy is still just about my best friend. We can still talk to the wee hours of the morning. We talk about M. We talk about her and J. We talk about my life, her school and my business.

My life is crazy right now. I have a lot of things coming to a head right now. They are all hitting me at the same time. Hell, it is 2:24 AM here and I am up writing a blog post. I miss her.

It's funny. I used to go on quests for her. There was one time she really wanted a particular piece of clothing, a pair of Eeyore overalls sold only at Walmart. She had looked for them and asked me if I could find them. I went to every Walmart I could with no luck. One day, I was doing a job in Navasota, Texas and there was this old Walmart, one of the small ones. I went in to check to se and lo and behold, they had her size. I don't remember anyone being quite so happy over a piece of clothing.

We were married on July 17, 1999. On February 14, 2000, I left for work and never made it home. M was born in September of that year while I was in Harris County awaiting transfer to TDCJ.

I do not regret going on that date that day. How could I? Amy is still a huge part of my life. And I have M. People don't really understand our relationship. We have often talked how it would be easier if we drifted apart. Neither of us wants to let go.

Everything I went through, she was there. We weren't always friendly. We both did things that were unforgivable...but somehow we forgave and we moved on. We couldn't live together and we couldn't be married. But we are still in a relationship. It has no definition, but it as real and strong as anything out there.

I am glad that we went to Pappadeaux that night. I wish we could go tonight.

Love,

Chris