I have a new earing. It isn't really new. It was a present I gave it to Amy when we were married. It has been in storage since July of 2000 when she packed everything up. It is a single. It's mate was lost on the day of our wedding. Amy was in the shower washing her hair and it came off of her ear and fell down the drain. She was so distraught. I told her it was ok. It was just a thing. I then told her that the things were not important. 6 months later, I went to prisson and we have never been together since. It is funny, or sad really, that earing is all, except for my wedding band, I have left.

My life is so different than what I ever thought it would be. I am happy, fairly successful and have a nice life. It is just not what I planned. I guess most of my plans never really worked out that well anyway.

I had lunch with M at school today. It was a surprise. She is doing great. She has this rocketship on the cafeteria wall with her name. It is orange because she is a 1st grader. It represents the total of Advanced Reading points she has earned. She has 130. She has more than half of the 5th grade. She is an amazing child. She is brilliant. She does not know how to use it or she doesn't want to use it because she doesn't want to be different. I can't believe how lucky Amy and I are with her.

She has a new friend that lives across the street. She went to her house this evening. The friend has come over twice since they moved into their house. Amy is lucky. M is lucky. They are lucky they get the best of me and do not have to be around for the times I slip into the edge of out of control.

A friend of mine died Saturday. He ate too much, drank too much, and smoked too much. He was only a few years older than I. I have quit drinking. I am back in the gym. All of my roommates have joined. We motivate each other. For the first time in recorded memory, I want to live. I do not want to just die.

I never really believed I would make 40. I always knew I would die a suicide, the question was just when. Now, I want to make the most of my life. I want to live. I want o go back to what I was. I want to be me again. I will.

Peace.