There are some web sites that I subscribe to that are useful. One is Jet Blue as it is the best travel to New York City and back and gives the best deals. So I trust this site. You would think that any offers that come your way via Jet Blue would have some merit. The other day, it said “click here for your free tickets.” Since I have been a good customer, I thought I might actually qualify for the freebie.

But the down side is that you have to wade your way through your preferences for a dozen tie-in products and even if you click on “skip” and go to the next frame, you have been recorded. About 10 minutes later I decided my time was worth more than free tickets to ANYWHERE and I canceled out of the site without finishing. Although I had not checked “subscribe” to anything, nor had I said I was interested in any product named, I found my E mail full of written-in-stone subscriptions to about 8 web sites. I carefully set about smashing each stone to smithereens.

The bottom line is (unless you are bored with life and like to be jerked around) never believe any (as in none, zip, zilch, zero, nada, no way, not, nil) “free” offer is clear and simple and does not enmesh you in a morass of unwanted E mail and solicitations and even a dreaded visit from some vendor saying “I am here at your request (!!??) to give you a quote on …”

My friend Nadine came over with her step grand-daughter and her grandson this morning. Inka, about 10, wanted yard work. She’s saving to buy a house for her own self. (Is that sweet or what? I can see the story now: Nonagenarian Achieves Goal, $10 at a time) So we had her pick up leaves in the area way and spray Round-Up on some weeds. I normally pick up the leaves but lately the high winds have made this a constant chore. I told Nadine Ed never paid me for same. She sympathized.

Nadine, has been taking care of the kids until her son and d.i.l. get organized. She's going to go to school in Florida and he's going back to Afghanistan where he is the head of the US Agency for International Development for that country). Their lives will be complicated for a while. She said she is wiped out and isn’t used to having small children around. She also said her son was a totally sweet and cooperative kid and never gave her any problems, but that these two were a constant whirlwind.

We discussed the vicissitudes of raising kids and the pitfalls. I told her I didn’t regret choosing my lifestyle, knowing that when it was possible (in my first marriage) I realized my husband was too involved with his life of the mind to be there when it would be helpful. Besides if only one partner is interested, it’s a bad idea. And I wanted to dance and play the piano. I had a qualm or two when Jay was terminally ill, but there are no guarantees that you could call your grown child and that child wouldn’t say, “Gee, Mom, I’d love to come and help but tonight’s my bowling night.” So I’ve tooled away on my own during times of crisis (forget sis – she’s on another planet) and have managed. I am only now and then wistful, but there are people out there with bigger problems.

Then Nadine told me the story of her 89-year-old s.i.l. Many years ago she tried to get her to move to Florida from up north and she wouldn't because she wanted to see her grandchildren grow up. Well, she's sorry now that she didn't take N's advice because the now grown grandchildren totally ignore her. But if she had moved, she would regret having lost their precious years. Ha. No win.

One of the thoughts that helped me through during Jay’s many hospitalizations and home care was that in Cambodia and elsewhere people were fleeing battle zones and leaving their elderly by the roadside, whereas I had nurses in my home and Jay was clean and comfortable. Some things will be and you can’t stop them. At least I had help.

Finally, I am tempted to choose, once in a while, a category for a post that is totally opposite, but I stay my hand. I am so disciplined, it hurts.

xx, Teal