I watched a PBS documentary about the life of Annie Oakley and was very impressed with her unique personality and abilities. At the age of 15 she won a shooting competition against a professional exhibition shooter, Frank Butler. He was bowled over by her and fell in love. They married and were together the rest of their lives. You don’t see that a lot. That silly movie, “Annie, Get Your Gun” with Betty Hutton, was totally not Annie, but that’s showbiz. Her eyesight and accuracy were so phenomenal she could shoot a playing card in two, peeling it apart. As for Hutton, her roles, in my opinion, always bordered on slapstick and I never appreciated her in them.

My two favorite Monday night shows were pre-empted by college basketball – I like (most times anyway) 2 ½ Men with Charlie Sheen – it’s so delightfully incorrect – and CSI Miami. Instead there were these tall, skinny guys playing with a ball. Oh, phht. Now that may sound odd coming from someone who followed Bill Bradley’s Princeton career, and later admired him on the Knicks, but that was a long time ago. I can still name the other four guys he played with – Cazzie Russell, Earl, the Pearl, Monroe, Dave DeBusschere and Walt “Clyde” Frazier. Jay and I were in the Garden the night the Knicks beat Baltimore for the "pennant" or whatever they call it in basketball. The roof came off as the crowd shouted "We're no. 1." I was young.

Bradley tried for the presidential nomination in 2000 and was considered a lackluster candidate -- no charisma, the media said. He was on Bill Maher’s cable show this past week and I didn’t notice any lack of charisma. I think he has it – it’s called a brain.

Away from the tube I am preoccupied with the cats. It seems we are keeping Toots because Brunswick likes him and whatever B wants, he gets. Becky, the d.i.l. of Toots’ late mom, is in town, trying to sell her house and will be coming over later this week. Her husband/boyfriend doesn’t want Toots, doesn’t, doesn’t, doesn’t (what a jerk), and I am not willing to shop Toots out and that is problematic anyway because the number of abandoned animals has shot way up since the foreclosures. So unless Becky finds herself able to override her guy, Toots stays with us. I don’t like the thought, anyway, of him having to take a plane ride and then face another strange household with another polemic cat.

So, in the foreseeable future, it’s hair today, hair tomorrow. I’ve been cleaning all morning, trying to take my mind off the fact that today is prep day and I am allowed regular liquids till noon and only clear liquids after that and at 3 p.m. take the laxative equivalent of an A bomb to set me up for tomorrow. I asked the doc why, at just under 5 ft., I am bound by the same rules as some 6 footer and he said it’s because even small people can have l-o-n-g intestines. Really? I got the same as a big guy? Who knew.

For those of you who haven’t been through this, at 3 p.m., I drink 10 oz. of Citrate of Magnesia, and following that 4 Dulcolax pills, and following that a half gallon of Gatorade mixed with a powdered laxative. And I am to drink all of that within 4 hours, a glass every 15 to 30 minutes. Are you following this? Are you? Is your face turning green just thinking about it? I hope so. I want company in my misery.

I did this once before and spent the evening in bed, afraid that if I moved, I would throw up and have to start over. They say that happens.

Meanwhile, we are having a very blustery, windy day and I am enjoying that because it’s nature’s show and a distraction. I have decided not to walk because it sometimes tires me and it will be worse if I am having only liquids. So, basically, let’s have some sympathy here.

When I went in to see the ass man after a long hiatus, the receptionist asked for my comlete history. I said it’s all in your file, and she said if they haven’t seen me in more than 2 years, they ask for it again. I suggested that they should have reminded me before the appointment and she inferred that since this is their policy, I should have remembered. I replied, “You expect me to remember this conversation in 5 years?” She gave me a cold stare. I cold-stared her back, adding a slight curl to my lip. Inwardly I wished her a great harm and let it go at that.
I had a therapist once, who suggested I deal with a nemesis by putting ipecac in her drink the next time we were sharing a social situation. Wait'll I get that girl at a party, just wait.

xx, Teal