In the New York Times, an obit: June Havoc has died. She was believed to be 97. In her young days, she was dominated by a tyrannical mother, and by an older sister, Gypsy Rose Lee, the famous stripper.

An excerpt from the New York Times:

“In New York, Ms. Havoc slept on bus-station benches and survived on food-stand meals while trying to break into legitimate stage work, although her mother and her sister were living in luxury just a subway ride away. Her mother did take her in (albeit as a paying tenant).”

Here is a quote I think some of us can relate to: “My sister was beautiful and clever — and ruthless. My mother was endearing and adorable — and lethal. They were the same person. I was the fool of the family. The one who thought I really was loved for me, for myself.”

Although she wasn’t a superstar, often playing the lead’s best friend, she was memorable in everything she did. I liked her.
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On the subject of marriage and “a piece of paper doesn’t matter if you love each other …” (oh, vomit)

Some friends who have been together for years are not married and don’t see the need. They are devoted to each other. I have encouraged them to look beyond the halcyon conditions of not being ill and not worrying about if your “other” is in intensive care and you don’t get to make decisions for him because family members from whom the person was alienated get to make all the decisions and get, if there is no will, whatever is in the estate.

In the bereavement group where Ed and I met, there was a young woman who had lost her fiancé. He was a construction company exec who visited a building site the day the utilities were to be turned on. The building blew up and he was the only one killed. His family, who owned their apartment, made her move out. If they had been married, she would have had rights.

Ed’s third cousin has been living with her “other” for 15 years and they have two children. It “suits them fine”. The churl here says, “until something goes wrong.”

You may have heard stories about couples living happily together for years, finally marrying, and then splitting up. Well, that's about expectations. If your special guy is now your husband, does that mean he "owes" you more? And vice versa. Sometimes people not tied by the paper will zip it up when there's a problem, but let fly when they feel secure. But, if that's the case, one or the other, or both, are bottling up a lot of negatives. That doesn't strike me as "happily ever after" either.

xx, Teal