Actually, in Ed’s case, it’s not only the full moon, but the fact that he’s on his umpteenth attempt to quit smoking and is wearing the patch. The patch is supposed to make it easier to be off cigarettes and is supposed to forestall the dark moods that people get when they go cold turkey. Ha.

On Sunday we went to Nadine’s cookout on her pool deck. I did actually go into the pool because so many did that it didn’t seem all that funky. I met the husband of Sonia, the French woman I liked so much when Nadine arranged her girls-only lunch a couple of months ago. Her husband, Daniel (Sonia pronounces it Danielle) is Belgian-born but grew up in Maine. I was favorably inclined to like him, but as the afternoon wore on, I sensed he didn’t return this feeling. He was talking to Ed and I was sitting next to Ed and offered a couple of remarks and I might as well have been invisible as he looked past me and did not respond.

Earlier I had noticed an Esquire magazine and remarked on one of the cover lines: “How to Be A Real He-Man.” And I had said, “Wow, will this work for me?” And one of the men said, “Do you want to be a guy?” And I had answered, “Well, it’s something to think about.” I said it casually, a throw-away line. I considered the whole conversation tongue-in-cheek. I’m used to being female. I think it’s great. Later, I wondered if this take on the mag had offended him as in, “she’s a ball-buster.” Sometimes joking about things like that puts people off.

I wanted Daniel to like me since Sonia and I have really bonded -- our conversations are intense and animated -- we are hilarious together. She's a former dancer too, studied with Bejart in Paris, stays fit, has a charming French accent. She is definitely in line for BFF.

I went back to Nadine's late yesterday to retrieve some items I had left behind and asked her about Daniel. She said it is his personality to be cold and aloof and he was that way with “everyone”. However, I am thinking that excepting for the women in his life to whom he has granted closeness, like his wife, and a few special people, he may not really like women and is irritated when they join a conversation he is having as in, “let the men talk, you silly female”.

This morning, Steve, A.H. (aces handyman) came by to continue work on the pool deck fittings -- replacing parts of the cage that were removed. He looked tired and said he had a bad weekend. I didn’t press him. I hung around for a while because he has always been very chatty, but this morning I was getting negatives, so I let him be. The bad vibes bothered me. I am cheerful and friendly with him and give him fresh coffee and don’t deserve veiled put downs no matter how out of it he's feeling.

Nadine also offered a remark that caused me to inwardly stutter. I said to her that because I have dancer’s feet (to me, ugly) I don’t like to be barefoot at a party. She said don’t be silly, look at Mary – she has bad feet and wears sandals. Mary is her husband’s sister, somewhere in her 80s, (I know I am getting there too, but read on), she is obese, her toes are beyond ugly, they overlap like those photos at the podiatrist’s someone {I think it was Nittineedles) posted recently. Mary is very dear and I like her a lot, but she long ago abandoned any pretense to being a sex object, while I, silly thing, still think of myself as viable. I didn’t pursue this with Nadine, but I am thinking, “How can she possibly think Mary’s “style” choices are relevant?”

Whenever people tell me I should relax about my exercise routines, and not fuss so much about looking good, I tell them, “my standards for my face and body are much higher than your standards for my face and body.”

All in all, I am feeling dissed.

xx, Teal