OMG! I am at the library using a computer, since the wi fi system at my daughter's house just didn't cut it at all. Being here at my daughter and SIL's house has been a trying and emotional experience for us all. I came into their life and require a lot of personal help, I disrupted their daily routines and their lives and mine have been totally in chaos. I feel like such a burden on them--not feel--I know I am, I have wept more than ever before in my whole life.
Horrid scenes, yelling and screaming and recriminations on both sides. I who loved, enjoyed, and reveled in my quiet life in Mississippi live on a knife edge of misery, having to ask for help, trying not to be trouble, but with a basic grumpy personality, it's been a mess. A big mess. Chest pain, worry, unhappiness is gonna kill me. They have said "nursing home" several times. I say no, I want to go back to Mississippi and if it comes to a nursing home, I want it to be near my home where I know everybody. In Mississippi I know a couple of ladies who could come by and help me out. I want to try that first.
There are a whole big black potful of issues betwen my dau. SIL and I. I don't know how much longer any of us can take it. I am so emotionally depleted I can think of only one thing--going home. It's springtime in Mississippi. The dogwoods are blooming, and the yard is covered with purple violets. I am acutely homesick and if I die alone there, I will be happy.
Goodbye to all for now, from susil.
PS I apologize for not phoning or writing to friends as I should. The phone situation is another matter.