I've been thinking a lot about dying lately. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it was the Buffalo plane crash. Life is so fragile and unpredictable.

I had my free "first Medicare physical" last week, and I was so nervous with anxiety, I thought I was going to faint! And that was before they drew blood and gave me a recommended pneumococcal shot! Consequently, my blood pressure was sky high (166/90). Red alert, red alert!

So now I think I'm going to die from self-explosion. The doctor didn't seem to be too concerned. He just told me to monitor it for awhile. I don't know how--I don't have access to a sphag whatever ometer. I'm hoping I just had a case of the white coat syndrome. But still, I'm scared. And when I get my blood test results, what will they tell me? That worries me.

So I checked out the most recent health book from the library ("The Source") to see what more I can do to keep from dying. So far, it turns out I'm doing all the right things: You know, like sleeping 8 hrs, exercising regularly, eating right (mostly, although I can do better), and socializing. One area I need to work on is relaxing to lower my stress level. I've never thought that I have stress in my life, but perhaps I do--like worrying about dying! If my blood pressure numbers are any indication, I must have some cause for concern, stresswise. But why? After all, I'm retired, I'm happy, I feel good, no worries (well, maybe my IRA), spring is coming, I'm going to Florida--all good things.

Is my "fear" of dying stemming from all the obituaries I see from people my age? Do I have cancer, heart problems, something I don't know about, that will cause me to conk out before I'm ready? Is it just psychological--I simply fear death? I'm laughing at myself right now--the folly of my own panic. Perhaps I need a shrink!