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Nothing stresses me out more than my lack of money. I had commented on Kissy's latest post that I had cried at work. I lost it when my credit card called yesterday to ask for a payment. I've got a whole $38 in my bank account until Thursday's direct deposit kicks in. Having just paid my electric bill (which was red), my phone bill, my health insurance (20 days late) and my rent I was left with very little till payday.
This isn't uncommon for me to lose it over money but to lose it at work when I now sit in a bull pen in the center of the office sucks!
And now, TBD is in a foul mood over money as well. I tried to cheer him up last night but to no avail. The only thing that will change his mood is a call for work or a large residual check. He's constantly talking about money and about moving back to the East Coast. He's so unhappy right now and there's not one thing I can do to change that.
Oh, and I accidentally said the L word over the weekend. After I changed into my new dress to go out dancing, we got back into my car and the radio wouldn't turn on. My car is very old and I found that if I pull out the fuse for the radio and put it back in all is well in the world of music. So I turned off the car and leaned over to the fuse box saying, "I need to have the radio on while I drive, I love you but I need my music." The words left my mouth completely uncensored and all I could do was continue to futz with the fuse box till the radio popped back on.
I have no idea if he actually heard the exact words that left my lips. Maybe that has him stressed out as well. Our sex life has declined since our night out dancing.
I feel terrible for him and terrible that after hanging out with him last night I don't want to be around him for a little while. I'm already a little depressed and I feel like we are feeding off each others' negative energies. It's not healthy.
How did we go from the high we both felt the weekend of my 10K to this absolute low?
It was definitely a rich man who said, "Money can't buy happiness." That may be true about Love but having enough money to pay off all my bills for the rest of my life would make me so happy!
