I understand the plight of the insect trapped in the snare of a spider. It isn't their eminent death torturing them but rather the binding of movement.

The confusion, the chaos, the noise, it was more than overwhelming at times. There was no escaping it, for sanity did not begin until one was outside the gates of the hospital. My mind seemed to convulse from deep within its skull, making sounds that clashed with the real world. I closed my eyes to shield them from colorful daggers of light that threatened me.

With knees bent and pulled into my chest, sitting in the hard blue chair, I began to rock. I needed to sooth my mind, and at that moment, the rocking allowed me a comfort a could not get elsewhere. A passing tech asked if I wanted to go into the quiet room, without the door locked, just to relax. Her offer sounded oddly appealing and I thought it couldn't hurt. I was wrong.
She forgot to mention my voluntary rest to the incoming shift and before long I found the door locked. My emotions were either flat or inflated, and right now it was the latter. My frustration grew as my words fractured and twisted before leaving my mouth. Damn medication, always scrambling my words.
"Let me out, I'm new....I mean, I came here before, I mean on my own." Damn medication.
I could usually handle the 90mg of Haldol they gave me. 100mg was the legal limit, and a nurse commented to me once that they left 10mg off just in case they wanted to give me a shot. However, when my mind was at its weakest, that 90mg left me drooling.

"Calm down, were just going to put you in restraints until we find out whats going on, and you calm down".
Damn, why the hell was everyone always telling me to calm down! It just succeeded in getting me worked up!
I had been in restraints on many occasions, but I must admit that I usually deserved it. For me, restraints were the ultimate torture, but I had learned to disappear while in them now, so I could take it.
I did not give them the satisfaction of a fight, instead I walked to the restraint room and positioned myself on the metal table for them.
Before they could get the straps fastened around my ankles, wrists, and waist, I, was already gone.