On my island of the indulgent mind I lived alone. Total mental displacement and sanity too, were kept at bay by no will of my own. That place, that island where nothing was attainable was hell.

I always had too much saliva, and if I didn't keep sucking it in,I would drool. When a new medication was introduced, or an increase drastic, there could be other problems too.

I sat at the desk near the nurses station holding the phone, tears beginning to form in my eyes. I could not remember my mothers phone number. The same number I had called so many times over the years was gone. My God, I can't even remember the number! I hated what was happening to me and I needed to hear my moms voice but her number had vanished. It was being held captive until I could pay the ransom, but I did not even know what the ransom was.

I sat, pressing buttons, drooling, and crying. Great, now I was going to have snot to deal with too. It was not until an argument ensued over phone use did a Staffer come to help.
She got the number from my chart but quickly got mad as between the time she spoke a number and I attempted to press the key on the phone pad I had "lost" that number. After several unsuccessful attempts she forced her air out through pursed lips and dialed the number for me.
When my mom answered the phone I broke out in sobs. My lack of control, my despair, my loneliness, it was all just too much.