As I've posted about in recent blogs, I've been suffering a lot of guilt and anxiety with regards to MIL and my ability (or inability) to do all that is needed. Her recent descent to the next level, by becoming incontinent, has been extremely stressful for all who are involved in her care, not just me. I'm relieved to report that we have made some decisions.

My SIL has been with her since last Wednesday. Seeing the reality of the situation has been good for her. Now everybody agrees, including MIL, that it's time for full time residential care. Miraculously, we have found a place that is highly recommended, accepts Medi-Cal, and has an opening. Her daughter will be taking her to an appointment on Monday to see if they consider her a good fit. I don't see why she wouldn't be, but you never know.

SIL seems to think it will be temporary, until she can find a place closer to her. It may take some time for that, as the population and demand is greater where she lives. I'm not in any hurry for her to go away. Though I can't be with her all the time, I do enjoy the time that I've had with her, and I don't want that to end.

It will be especially nice to be able to focus on just her, and not have to worry about all the peripheral issues associated with her dementia. There were a lot of little things such as eating too much honey, jam, and sugar, wetting the floor, throwing her meals in the garbage, throwing her vitamins in the garbage, throwing her own lotion in the garbage and then accusing people of stealing it, overdosing on her gummy vitamins because we took her sugar away. Stuff like that.

Although it may be too early to exhale completely, I do feel the hope of a weight lifted. Personally, given my own somewhat substandard lifestyle, I wouldn't have gotten up in arms about the sugar, or some of the other things on the list. The other people involved in her care, particularly Hubby's sister, apparently have much higher standards than I do, and are more 'risk wary'. I must defer to her judgement.

Regardless, the bottom line is this... it has always been inevitable that the decision to put her in a home would have to be made eventually. If not now, then later. Even if I'd been there every day, there is no way I could be there all day... or all night. At the rate she's been changing, it's not too early to consider another approach, even if we could have hung on another six months.

It's been a tense situation. I've been praying a lot over it. Change is always hard, but I'm optimistic that all will be well in the end.