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Men Are From Mars....

Politics & Legal > Decluttering, But First Sexual Assault

Decluttering, But First Sexual Assault

I just came from FB where I replied to this comment:

"This whole thing is making me sick. I have a man that I love...I have a son that I love...I have many male friends that I cherish and love. The concept that a woman could come forward, charge sexually inappropriate behavior....BUT...not sure when it happened...not sure where it happened...not sure how she got there, or how she got home...but sure that it happened, and that it was HIM. I have more respect for my guys than this bullshit. I want an abused woman to be heard. But what about our men...our sons and grandsons? We just let anyone say whatever they want??!!"

Granted, it's a different time since I was young but I'm not convinced that young males have changed all that much.

I was in a YWCA dorm room, on a Friday evening circa 1972, when a similar incident to what's currently in the news occurred. I was with my girlfriend and the guy was a buddy who I brought along to hang out with her friend. Unfortunately, my gf was rather stoned at the time and for whatever reason, I didn't pay much mind to the commotion on the other side of the room.

When all was said and done we were all questioned/lectured on Tuesday but there were no serious consequences for anyone. Hard as I try to put myself in that young woman's place, I know I can't imagine all the subtleties that go with the event. I know she wasn't physically harmed, but as the situation unfolded that Friday evening, she had no way of knowing how it would turn out. What stopped the incident from ending in rape? I don't know. Did I finally intervene? I don't remember. Where was the Y? Probably in Manhattan. The room number--not a clue.

My gf had no real knowledge of the situation. We went to my house for the weekend and she didn't find out what happened until she saw her friend when the new week began. She was sufficiently pissed at my for whatever reason, although at this point, I don't clearly remember.

Since I can't think about it from a woman's POV, I can only ask: should this incident be held against my buddy 40 years later? I still know where he is although I don't ever remember talking about this since it happened. But I have no idea where the woman is. It would be interesting to hear her recollection of that evening.

As much as I want to see Kavanaugh denied a seat on the Court, I'm not convinced that this should be the deciding factor.

Any thoughts?

posted on Sept 21, 2018 8:53 AM ()

Comments:

4-11-18 g'day john you dont seem to post much ; looked forward to seeing your posts in the past

comment by kevinshere on Nov 3, 2018 7:52 PM ()

You had been away for quite some time yourself! Yes, postying feels like work, sometimes, so I don't do it often.

reply by jjoohhnn on Nov 4, 2018 2:22 PM ()

I didn't see anything in there about decluttering.

comment by traveltales on Sept 25, 2018 8:29 PM ()

Seems to be a different take on the situation between men and women. Not surprising. Too difficult to tease out the politics from the personal experience. Fortunately I'm not the one who has to do it.

comment by jjoohhnn on Sept 22, 2018 11:03 AM ()

This is a reply to Martin at the bottom of the page.

reply by jjoohhnn on Sept 22, 2018 11:11 AM ()

For some reason, my comment was deleted but I am going to tell you again that my first sexual experience was date rape. I was seventeen and a virgin. It was in l947 and his name and face are engraved in my memory.
I was not drinking. He paid absolutely no attention to my struggles or my shouts of NO. His strength was superior to mine and that is all it took. I had no thought whatsoever of filing charges. In good old boy country they bring in friends to testify that you are a ##### and they have all had sex with you. I did have enough sense to go to my doctor he gave me enough wise counsel and support that I came out of it OK. Twice more I was able to talk myself out of being raped because I knew the boys so well that I threatened to go to their mothers and that snuffed out the aggression. I believe Dr. Ford. I know teen age boys are horny as hell but they have to learn to control themselves. Rape is violence against women. You just don't take what you want regardless of another person's wishes. They could give her plenty of time to make arrangements but they are trying to rush this through for political gain.

comment by elderjane on Sept 22, 2018 4:50 AM ()

Jeri, I receive an email when somebody comments and I only have one with your comment in it. But thanks for reposting. I saw a few similar comments on fb about personal experience and they are enlightening. I guess one must be raised, socialized and treated like a girl/woman in order to understand the result of an attack. I had my own experience with nonviolent sexual abuse in the hospital when I was in my early 20s but it didn't have a long term negative effect on my life. It wasn't until later that I told a friend in the medical profession about it and he had not doubt that the behavior wan't for medical purposes. So, as I said on this post a time or two, fortunately I'm not one of the people who have to vote on this situation. Thanks again for your comment.

reply by jjoohhnn on Sept 22, 2018 11:36 AM ()

Amen.

reply by kristilyn3 on Sept 22, 2018 6:32 AM ()

I can assure you if she is telling the truth, which I believe her, SHE remembers the incident clearly. Iâ€™m sure the guys donâ€™t because to them it was just another night. I can tell you verbatim what people said/did during my â€œscary timesâ€. The other night all this BS opened a floodgate of forgotten awful memories of things I went through. Reliving it is almost as bad as living it.
I think a man acting this way 30 years ago or 70 years ago STILL means he should be held accountable. We need to reverse the current system of dismissing and blaming women for a MANs crime. Report right away? Oh you were drunk/wearing the wrong clothes/in the wrong place etc etc etc. freak the F out over what you just experienced and want to hide from the world? Wrong, you should have come forward immediately. Try to forget it and move on with your life as best you can? Wrong, you waited too long.
Iâ€™m sick of this BS and honestly I am a bit surprised at your stance. I still respect ya and value your friendship, but it does surprise me.

comment by kristilyn3 on Sept 21, 2018 2:16 PM ()

I'm not sure what you think my stance is since I'm not sure. I certainly think that a man should be held accountable for his actions no matter how old he was or how long ago the incident took place. This was discussed yesterday morning by an author who said her offender had apologized more than once and that went a long way. Maybe the question I'm trying to answer is whether Kavanaugh is being held accountable for his past by being denied the seat. He doewsn't have an adult history even half as deplorable as *rump's. This happened between minors and I just haven't been convinced that one evil deed should define his life. One good deed wouldn't define the life of a career criminal, so why should the reverse be the case. If you have found my stance, let me know.

reply by jjoohhnn on Sept 22, 2018 11:24 AM ()

Okay, I just read the news that the GOP is giving Dr. Blasey until the end of the day to decide about testifying. They're power-playing against her now. They are now just spitting in people's faces. I say use this reason or any other that's somewhat justified, to block this confirmation by this corrupt party.

comment by drmaus on Sept 21, 2018 10:59 AM ()

Today, Saturday, the deadline has been extended to this afternoon. I'll have to find out later what happens.

reply by jjoohhnn on Sept 22, 2018 11:10 AM ()

I do hope, as you do, that the confirmation does not happen â€” for all the other reasons, not this reason. This subject is too hard for us as a society to decide whatâ€™s what and how we should handle things amongst ourselves, for it to be the basis of determining our government. This simply isnâ€™t the adult vs. adult assault & harassment that Clarence Thomas, Rob Porter, Trump himself, or others were involved in. This involved minors, and I've long felt that cases involving minors shouldn't be sent to courts as a first option. There's got to be better ways. But of course I despise Kavanaugh.

comment by drmaus on Sept 21, 2018 10:40 AM ()

I've been reading comments on this here and on fb and I can mostly agree with each for one reason or another. As I said below: fortunately I'm not the one who has to decide or vote.

reply by jjoohhnn on Sept 22, 2018 11:09 AM ()

I agree with you John.

Unless someone can come up with a life-long pattern (like Trump exhibits), I wish the opposition to Kavanaugh's appointment could find some other issue to hang their hat on.

comment by traveltales on Sept 21, 2018 10:38 AM ()

I'm not belittling other womens' experiences, and I have some of my own, all I am saying is I wish this wasn't the only issue they could dig up - couldn't argue with the decisions he's made while on the bench?

reply by traveltales on Sept 22, 2018 6:41 PM ()

You seem to differ from the female take on the situation. Some of the women's accounts of past experience posted here and on fb are quite compelling.

reply by jjoohhnn on Sept 22, 2018 11:05 AM ()

I tend to agree with you. Okay I am OLD but I don't remember what happened 60 years ago let alone 30 unless I have it in my diary and even then I don't recall it all.
This is not taking away from what the woman says happened but logic and being fair has to extend to the man in the case.
To me it is a shame that the Dems have to play this way to delay the man being passed even though I don't want him on the court but then Anita Hill was treated shabbily so I agree caution and investigation should be done IF need be.

comment by greatmartin on Sept 21, 2018 9:06 AM ()

reply by jjoohhnn on Sept 22, 2018 11:04 AM ()

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Decluttering, But First Sexual Assault