T-Minus Nine Hours

I’m alone.

And not in the way that I’m usually “alone”, which really just means that I only have one kid with me.

No.

I’m actually completely and totally ALONE.

Rock just left with the three kids all strapped into their car seats in the back of his Sunfire. Is it too early to start crying?

No. I’m not going to cry. I’ve needed a break! I’ve wanted a break! They have been driving me batty! And now they’re gone. I should be * grateful *. Or relieved. Or something.

Can I cry now?

No?

Oh.

I still feel like my body and my mind are moving in fast forward, which is the feeling I have when I’m being a mother. Always trying to do at least three to five things at once with another three to five things requiring my attention. I’m typing way faster than I need to because I’m used to writing quickly, in a rare moment of peace and always trying to finish the post before the kids find out I’m on the computer. This should be a leisurely post! I should be going at a nice, quiet pace. But I can’t. I’m still in overdrive.

How ‘bout now?

No?

Oh.

You’re probably wondering why I’m struggling with this when clearly, I often go away to visit Don and leave the kids behind with their Dad. And that’s true. But it’s also really different.

Well, first of all, I * do * feel like crying those times, too. And second of all, it’s different in that I’m the one leaving. And lastly, I usually have two thousand and two things on my mind so it’s a lot easier to distract myself from missing the rugrats. Oh yeah, and I’m at my sister’s apartment so I have company and am therefore not really alone which seems to make a difference. Not that I noticed a difference until right this fucking second.

How long til Don gets here? Let me see…about…oh…eight hours? Nine, maybe?

Shit. I’m in trouble.

I’m resisting the urge to start cleaning the house from top to bottom. Because that’s stupid. Well, I do have a load of laundry in the dryer that needs folding and putting away. I * have * to do that. It will take me about fifteen to twenty minutes.

Double shit. Now I’m really in trouble.

Well, good thing I didn’t actually primp, yet, eh?! I was saving it for tonight because one, it will be fresher primping which should be better, especially in the hair removal portion of the primping event. Also, it’s hard to have a primping day when you’re keeping your ear out for a cranky baby.

Oh! My cranky baby! I miss him already!

No, I can’t think like that. He will be FINE. They will ALL be fine. Right? Right?

Except that Julian (or Michael or whatever you want to call him) has been having a really hard time lately. Lots and lots of separation anxiety. Like he cries uncontrollably whenever I leave the room. I know, without a doubt, that he’s reacting to everything that’s been going on. And there’s not much I can do but roll with it and assure him each and every time that I’m there and I love him.

But now I’m not there! And what if he cries?! What if he misses his Mommy?!

Can I puh-leaze cry now? Please?!

Hmph. You suck.

No. I’m going to cry. I’m going to make myself something to eat because I’m fucking hungry. It’s almost dinner time. Only trouble is that without a car for over a week (eight days today!), I’ve kinda run out of groceries. So there’s not much to make. And I don’t feel like making myself something. Maybe I’ll call the pizza place down the road from us and order a sub or something. Or maybe a donair. I have a little of cash leftover and I can’t forsee an emergency in the next eight hours requiring ten bucks emergency money. And a celebratory sub or donair might be in order, don’t you think?

Except that I’ll probably run into someone that I know down at the store. Like a neighbor. Or worse…it might be this chick, Connie, working there tonight. She knows Troy. I mean Rock. Really well. They’re friendly. And then I might have to answer questions. And I’m not in the mood.

But I don’t feel like cooking.

How much time do you think I could eat up debating whether or not to just walk to the goddamned store?

Rock said that his mother and family have been pestering him lately, wondering whether or not Michael is walking, yet. It took me * right * back to a year or so ago. Remember my Blogster blogs about the weight gain tea party people? It’s weird to not be asked those questions by his family anymore. I thought I would feel relieved to unload the burden but I don’t. Not sure why, exactly. I just don’t. And then I started thinking about Rock taking the kids to see his mother and family this Sunday for Thanksgiving and I got a little pang. There, I admitted it. I had a pang. Because I never liked sending the kids there when I couldn’t go for holidays and now I have no fucking choice. * sigh * And by the way, no, he’s not walking yet. Getting close, though. He will walk a bit holding onto someone’s hand for a little while. He gets tired of it pretty quickly, though. That’s apparently one of his biggest struggles…getting him to try new things. If it’s too hard he doesn’t want to do it. They say that like it’s a unique characteristic. I know at least two dozen people who are like that!

Hey! I can drink a coffee if I want to! I can go and make one RIGHT NOW and drink it without being pestered in the kitchen! Oooh…I * do * want one! Okay…I’m going to make a coffee and then I’ll be right back. Hum that “Friday I’m In Love Song” while I’m gone, if you’d like. AJ, my most wonderful, super nice friend e-mailed me again with the instructions for posting the video because he’s just that nice but every time I tried to do it, it wouldn’t embed from YouTube. So you’ll just have to use your memories or your imaginations, whatever the case may be. Okay…so start humming… I’ll be back. With coffee!

****************************COFFEE TIME********************

Okay, I’m back. And guess who found chocolate in the cupboard? Me!

And this coffee is really hitting the spot.

Okay. Enough about coffee for Dog’s sake. I need to make a list. Of stuff to do. While I’m alone. You know…for the next eight hours or so until Don shows up. You can help. Oh, c’mon. Be a sport. Help a girl out. Ready?

Janet’s Super Terrific List Of Stuff To Do While She’s Alone

· Drink coffee. Oh wait. I’m already doing that.
· Eat chocolate. Shit! This is hard!
· Watch porn. That’s probably a bad idea, actually. I’ll likely just scare myself stupid. But I could start writing my book about porn. Or rather, my theories about porn and how as a society, we have pushed the envelope way, way too far. And how we think we’ve progressed so much but really we haven’t. But I’m not in the mood to think about porn right now. Wow. I never thought I’d say that.
· Tell you that I think I saw Pat today driving behind the school bus. Well, that’s not much of an idea, is it? It only took a few seconds! For those of you who are unsure about who this Pat fellow is, you’ll have to take a stroll through Janetk’s archives…there’s a link on the sidebar…and look for old posts on Blogster about breaking up with my friend, T. Pat is her husband. He’s a dick. I haven’t seen him since July of 2007. He looked fatter in the van today. Ha. Serves him right.
· Watch Six Feet Under. But I’m supposed to wait for Don. But the thing is, he probably won’t even watch more than an episode or two while he’s here! And I fucking love that show! Okay, that’s a definite possibility and he will just have to get over it. Especially since I’ve watched all of the Dharma and Greg episodes. And now Dharma is starting to annoy me so I don’t feel like watching them all over again.
· Clean the basement. Oh that’s a terrible idea! Who said that?! I shouldn’t have to clean if the mess makers aren’t here! Sheesh!
· Cook something with the defrosted beef in the fridge. That’s not a bad one! Good for whoever said it! I do like cooking a lot. And I am hungry. And the beef will only go to waste if I don’t. Maybe I’ll make meat loaf. Don would appreciate some middle of the night meat loaf, I’m sure.
· Sleep. That would actually be a good idea since I’ll be up super, super late tonight and have a ton to do tomorrow with the car. But I’ve kinda fucked myself what with all of the coffee and chocolate. Ah, who cares? Sleep is for the week anyway.
· Answer Mel on Facebook. Yes. I will definitely do that.
· Read some blogs. That’s also a good idea but it requires all of YOU to write something new! So get on it!

Can I cry now?

Good.

(Happy Weekend, Everyone. And Happy Thanksgiving, fellow Canadian bloggers!)