I should be folding laundry. The load from this afternoon still sits in the dryer. It’s a big one. The load, I mean. Not the dryer. And amongst the towels and panties and endless array of changes of clothing from each of the kids is a sweater that my mother wants of mine. I told her I’d wash it and dry it in the dryer (they don’t use the dryer…they give the term, “simple living” a whole new meaning) and give it to her tomorrow afternoon.

I should be folding that laundry, sitting cross legged on the floor, watching my Six Feet Under re-run that I’ve been halfway through for a couple of days now but I don’t feel like it. It’s been a busy day that ended with a meltdown from Emma and I have a headache and I’m tired because all three of them were up before my alarm even went off and I had to greet the day by greeting my mother at my side door before I’d even finished my second cup of coffee. Oh yes…it’s been a day.

As if anyone is actually even reading this, eh? You’re probably all watching election coverage on TV. Don said you don’t really, officially know until tomorrow or something. Is that right? Cuz holy fuck, that’s a long time! You all move pretty slowly, I must say. Shit, we called and held an election within the space of about two months. Done deal. Creepy Stephen Harper is Prime Minister again with another minority government. So what was the point?

But I digress. As usual.

Not that there’s really anything to digress from. I have nothing interesting to talk about.

Actually that’s not true.

Like I said, my Mom came over this morning and after we put the girls on the school bus and gave Michael his breakfast and I did some dishes while she laid into me pretty good, we headed to a nearby town, about forty minutes away, to go shopping at the really neat grocery store they have. She bought me some clothes, which was nice. It really bites her ass for some reason that I pretty much only buy used clothing for myself. I scored a pair of jeans (that were a full size smaller than I thought I was going to need and they aren’t even tight! Three cheers for losing some weight without even trying!), a peach colored sweater that’s got a nice, low neckline which shows off my collar bone (I think I have a nice collar bone), a purple and white striped shirt that’s nice and soft, a bra that actually fits me (it ain’t easy being a big breasted lady, let me tell you) and three pairs of cute panties. Pretty sweet.

But I digress. Again. I know. I’m sorry.

While we were driving to the store and back again, we were talking and somehow or other Christmas came into play. She asked me what I wanted and I told her I wanted a new camera cuz mine sucks ass. She told me not to get her anything. I told her that I already did even though it’s lie. It’s the only way to get her to agree to take anything for herself. She asked me if she was supposed to get Don something for Christmas. I told her she didn’t need to. And then she started talking about my sister.

Now, my sister and my parents still haven’t communicated since Judy sent the heart and soul letter. And that was in, um, September? Judy? Was it in September? I think it was somewhere around then. And it doesn’t look as though the lines of communication are about to open up any time soon.

And it hit me all at once that not only will this be the first Christmas in a long time that I don’t spend with Rock and not only will this be the first Christmas in a long time that I don’t see his family (it’s really started to sink in that I don’t have to go to another one of his family’s get togethers and it’s really hella fucking strange, believe me and I miss his grandma a lot) never mind the fact that there’s every possibility that I won’t even spend the holiday with my children…this will be another first in the respect that my sister isn’t coming home. My parents no longer talk to her. She and her boyfriend won’t be making the rounds. Won’t be coming to dinner at my aunt’s house. Hell, I’m not going to dinner at my aunt’s house! If I don’t have Judy and Alain to chat it up with, I’m not fucking going!

I’m not sure this is coming out right…

My family is altered. The family I created is forever changed, but so is the family I grew up in. And for as fucked up as we all are, this might be our strangest Christmas, yet.

And I think Stiva might be right.

I think I * do * get off on anticipation.

Because I can’t wait to see how it all turns out.

Good night everyone. Happy “you get a new President” day.