Hey there News Hounds:

Time for some news that minds on heavy meds don't even want to know, scraped fresh from the ol' Buggscope.


Item: West By God Conciders Legislation To Teach Gun Saftey In Public School. In a rare show of common sense, a state legislator has proposed a bill offer a course in firearm and hunting safety for secondary school students (8th-10th grades). "They will learn gun safety, the proper use of firearms. All weapons will be disbled so no there is no chance of discharging," sez bill sponsor Billy Wayne Bailey (and I am not making that name up). I,for one, think its a good idear. Hunting is one of the more popular sports in this state (right behind with cousin marrying and moonshine disilling)and a course in gun and hunting safety might be just the thing to cut down on the accidental slaughter of farm animals (cows, pigs, ducks, etc.) and close relatives mistaken for deer.


Item: Gandhi Grandson Quits Non-Violence Institute. In a bit of news from my former town, the University of The Flower City by the Lake has annoucned that Arun Gandhi, grandson of the legendary freedom martyr Mahatma Gandhi has resigned from the M.K. Gandhi Institute for Non-Violence, which he founded at this same university. Mr. Gandhi's resignation was sparked, apparently, by a comment he'd written in a Washington Post website in which he remarked that the Jews "overplay" the Holocaust and that Isael and Jews are "the biggest players" in a culture of violence. Mr. Gandhi saidn in a statement(in the voice of Apu) "My intention was to generate a healthy discussion on the proliferation of violence. Clearly I did not achieve my goal. Instead unintentionally my words have resulted in pain, anger, confusion and embarrasment. I deeply regret these consequences." Yeah. Apparently this apple has fallen very far from the tree. The Univeristy issued a statement that Mr. Gandhi was not and never had been employed by them nor the institute. Nice ass covering there, Lou.


Item: Bill Proposed To Prohibit Restaurants From Serving Fat People. I swear, I am not making this up. With all other state problems solved, some pinhead in the Mississippi state legislature has put forth a bill to make it illegal for restarants to serve the obese. W.T Mayhill, the pinhead in question, has wasted the lawmaker's time with this piece of tripe which he sez he only proposed to raise awareness to the problem of obesity. Instead he has raised awareness to the problem of idiots in elected office. This is one reason why the rest of the country thinks all southerners are reetards.


Item: New Research Shows Junk Food May Lower Stress. I knew it all along. Scientists at the University of New South Wales Austrailia have concluded that eating foods high in fat and sugar reduces anxiety levels. Studies using lab mice have shown that those mice given a low fat diet had double the stress levels of mice given junk food. Take that, Dr. Whalebutt. I have been vindicated at last. If they ever need to experiment on human beigns, I'll be the first to volunteer. Pass me them Hostess Twinkees, that chocolate sauce and that whip cream.



Item: Cell Phone Use Linked to Poor Sperm Quality. Did I tell you or did I tell you? Studies at the Cleavland Clinic show that the more hours men spend yakking on the cell phone, the lower their sperm count and the greater their percentage of "abby normal" sperm. So if you spent too much time shcmoozing on the mobile guys, not only will you get a brain tumor, you will also end up "shooting blanks",



Item: Governator Banned From Sacramento Smoke Shop: Tower Pipes and Cigars owner Mark Just has banned California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger from his establishment because the governor supported health bill that would have raised tobacco taxes. The bill eventually died in the state senate but this didn't stop Just from continuing to diss the Governator. Now what famous movie line do you suppose Ah-nuld mumbled as he left the shop?




reguards
yer "u'll bee bock" pal
bugg